In Christ Alone

We've heard it said so many times as children and throughout the years, "In Christ alone."

And I've always agreed He is the ONLY lasting joy, but that didn't stop my flesh from pursuing temporary joy and fleeting pleasures. . . until three weeks ago. I finally surrendered not just every area of my life, but surrendered all of ME! In Christ alone, I would find my love, sustenance, my joy, my peace, my protection, my identity and my purpose.

I had come to the end of myself . . . because that was the desire of my heart, but also because something was just 'missing' and I had no other choice. It just made sense. I felt great about that decision, but didn't tell a single solitary soul. Then a couple of days later, my new-found commitment would be put to the ultimate test. My girlfriend, the lady I'm planning a future with, broke up with me. Shocked, hurt, mad, disappointed, angry and sad altogether in one emotion was what I felt.

I was shattered.

To make matters worse, and harder, her two toddlers . . . two children, who I love like my own, who day in and day out I've been a parent to, were in the snap of a finger taken along with the object of my affection . . . my good thing! Three people, who just by them having breath in their lungs, make my life better. I was heart-broken. How could I not be? My 'family' was gone in an instant.

With as much warning as a tornado on a sunny day, my life, as I knew it, ended. The twister threw photos in the drawer, the winds crushed my spirit and the aftermath was ghosts in my home and a broken heart with barely an appetite. If for a season, or for good, I mourned with an intensity I've never felt or experienced.

In Christ alone . . .

Though the journey started before this storm, the lessons of trust, obedience, maturity, growth, security, protection and surrender were just starting.

This has been a divine appointment for me and for her-- that's how much He loves us and desires an intimate relationship with us. See, the thing I am guilty of was I gave her, and the kids, lordship over my life. No, I didn't worship them, but I exalted them, in terms of priority, above Jesus. He is a jealous God! Not in the sense He doesn't want us to spend time with the people we love or be happy, but in the sense of having a deep personal relationship with us.

When this happened, I could've blown off God's advances toward me and gone back to the temporary pleasures, of counterfeit love, but I didn't. I've been letting Him court me. I've been reading His Word daily, worshiping Him often and talking to Him even more than I did, which was often. God, to me, is not some Invisible Figure, in the sky . . . He is my Dad, my Guide, my Friend, my Master, my Teacher and my Refuge and I love to spend time with Him. In fact, I had forgotten just how much I do love it until this life-changing appointment.

To say this has been an eye-opening experience for me would hardly do it justice. This has been a life-giving experience! Does it hurt? More than I could've ever imagined. I've cried so many tears, I've groaned when I couldn't form words, I've been fighting mad . . . not at her as much as the situation. Walking into an empty house is difficult . . . not because I NEED her or the kids, but because I want them-- not for my selfish gain, but to lead them spiritually the way I should've the whole time. I am lonely . . . I am, at times, discontent, my days do not have the color they once did, but each day, I am learning-- it is in Christ alone.

In the wildnerness, there is a jewel . . . in the bitter taste of pain is the sweetest taste, so throughout this journey I am squeezing out every ounce of juice and finding the jewels in His provision for me, in the smiles and hugs of family and friends and in His Word.  I don't pine over her in the wildneress; I pine over Jesus.

One day, the pain was overwhelming me about how much I missed the three of them, as I poured out my heart to God (Psalm 62:8) and He revealed something VERY powerful to me. This is going to hit very close to home . . . but you know the way you miss your loved one who passed away? The way you miss the one you used to date or maybe even were married to? That deep longing for them . . That's just a minute amount of how the Creator of the Universe MISSES you!!

I'm not just talking about people who are unbelievers, and haven't accepted Jesus into their hearts, I am talking about men and women, who fill the pews every Sunday yet, whose hearts are FAR from Him. The one raising his hand on the fifth row may be farther from the Lord than the one who sits at the back of the church and sings not a single word.

God showed me, as I cried in His lap, the story of the prodigal isn't just about going from a sinful life to a redeemed one through Christ; it's also about those who know Him, but only on a surface level. It's about ALL of us . . . the agnostic, the atheists, the halfway believers and about the ones who are surrendered to Him. No matter how much you know Him . . . HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU MORE!!

I am not turning to pornography (my biggest struggle in my old life), I'm not turning to other women to meet my needs or to drugs or alcohol . . . although, I am sure some of those things would dull the pain for a moment. I am filling this emptiness, found in the pit of my stomach, with Bible verses, with prayer, with continuing my search for another career and cultivating the career God has already given to me my writing, with volunteering my time to make other people's lives better and with worship. And guess what? The empty feeling doesn't just magically go away, but it does get less and less. Does it fluctuate from day-to-day? You betcha  . . . more than the stock market!

There is no other way to 'make it' or even attempt to live life than hidden in Him. He IS my identity and no matter what earthly success I have, no matter what good things He does through me and no matter what status I reach; I simply want everyone to know I can do NONE of it without Jesus.

My identity, your identity, our identities can never be found in any of life's blessings-- not our children, not our family, not our friends, nor can it be found in our jobs-- not our careers-- not our money-- not our finances-- not our house-- not our cars-- single people, it can't be found in the 'one' who will complete you-- married couples, or even boyfriends and girlfriends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you can't find it in each other!!

~Our identity can only be found in CHRIST ALONE . . . watch this . . . EVERYTHING ELSE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE~ He is the Solid Rock, everything else is sinking sand.

There is not a single day, and honestly not many hours, I don't pray for her. Do I pray for God to send her back to me, so I can be the man I forgot to be somewhere along our journey? I sure do. Do I pray for the kids and their protection, that God would reveal His immeasurable Love to them and that one day they will become a mighty man and woman in God and that that same love would wash over their Mommy? Guilty again. But more than any selfish prayer, I pray she would find her restoration! What I pray for more than her restoration is that she finds EVERYTHING she needs in CHRIST ALONE.

Over the past few years, the Devil has stolen much from me . . . and many times it was because I left the door wide open not because he slithered in through some crack, and each time it was personal, but this time it is on a whole 'nother level! That WHICH WE DON'T VIGILANTLY GUARD through the blood is nothing more than an invitation to the enemy.

If I could only choose between her healing and us being together again . . . I would choose her healing every single time. I couldn't claim to love her, or be her friend, if I didn't, but God doesn't make us choose between two good things-- He desires for us to HAVE IT ALL-- the life more abundantly (John 10:10). There is nothing MORE abundant than knowing JESUS!! And there are few rewards as rich as being a good steward of the things He's entrusted to you.

So I steadfastly pray and when I get that chance to lead her again . . . I will do so in one way-- no days and weeks passing, at a time, where we don't read the Bible together or even talk about His faithfulness-- I will do it IN CHRIST ALONE!

That's how I am living not just each day, but moment to moment . . . Him living through me . . .IN CHRIST ALONE. 'Til the next time I'll be holding God's pen.

NO OTHER NAME

My heart will sing NO other name but Jesus.

That is how it is NOW inside me, but that hasn't always been the case! In fact, FAR from it . . . my heart has sung so many names; it's not even funny!! But one thing is certain-- only ONE song of my heart has NEVER left me filling incomplete, insufficient, restless, frustrated and tricked . . . JESUS!!

For six years, one song my heart sang on repeat was lust. LUST, sex, perversions, porn etc. And trust me-- it was on repeat, but the BEAUTIFUL part about it is with any CD . . . you can always hit eject and put another one in. That's what I chose to do.

See-- it's not that some of the things I did didn't satisfy me. Sometimes they did, but they NEVER satisfied me in a lasting fashion. How could they? How can anything? Money, status, respect, drugs, alcohol, sex, the opposite sex, the same sex, our jobs, our spouses, our significant others, not even our family. NOTHING brings lasting happiness, contentment, JOY and a sense of purpose like Jesus.

Many things can bring you temporary happiness. Many things can satisfy in the moment, but why would we, so willingly, embrace counterfeit when real exists? Not only does real exists, but it satisfies FOREVER! Isn't it foolishness we would chase after those things, knowing what the end-game will be? Knowing we will be left feeling empty?

What Name is Your Heart Singing?

It's not just sin that our heart can sing. It's husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, family members, friends. If we long for anything more than we long for Jesus . . . our heart is singing another name. I liken that to trying to fill up a cup that has a hole in it. No matter how much you try to pour in . . . it will never be enough!

No, I'm not saying we aren't supposed to have loved ones, who mean a great deal to us. I believe they are some of God's greatest gifts, but when we make her the focus of our heart-- we embrace fleeting when Lasting has His loving arms out just waiting for us to run into them!

I'm not casting any stones, because I have been, and still am at times, guilty of making my girlfriend an idol in my heart, but I am working on that. . . err, rather shall I say God is working on that for me.

There is no GREATER freedom than when you finally say-- I am done fighting! I am done serving Satan! I am done serving two masters, but only giving my allegiance to the Devil! My heart will sing NO OTHER name but Jesus!! That's when you begin to tap into the FULL abundant life found in John 10:10, but written in our DNA.

We were made, the reason we exists, is to KNOW God.

How Do You Hit the Eject Button?

It doesn't matter what name your heart sang yesterday or even a minute ago! That's the beauty of God . . . He cares about our future and doesn't hold against us, in terms of how much He loves us, our past allegiances. That's called GRACE.

How do you surrender? By doing what Hebrews 12:1 says, "Fixing our eyes on Jesus and running the race that was marked out for us, throwing off the sin that SO easily entangles." It's not a one-time decision. It's a continual one.

I have to set the record straight on a common misconception-- NONE of us can hit the eject button and put a new CD in using our own strength, but ALL of us can letting Him do it through us. I believe this is the case, so we will give Him the Glory instead of taking the credit for our change and improvement of behavior ourselves.

The life of a believer is found on the Surgeon's gurney. God, our Creator and Savior, is performing surgery on us. He is taking out the bad and replacing it with Him, who is good and the surgery will not end until we have drawn our final breath! That's exciting especially when you look at Phil. 1:6 that says the work He has begun in us WILL BE COMPLETED!! The purpose He has for your life WILL come to pass if we allow Him to have His way.

Ask God to change the song of your heart. The dance won't go as smoothly, but at least you'll no longer be dancing alone.

iTrustYOU

There I stood, not paralyzed in fear, but hesitant to do as I was told. The directive wasn't difficult, but it was scary. Sweat formed on my brow, my knees felt a little weak and the thought of what could happen scared me.

But then I did something that has unlimited power in our lives if we will just do it . . . I LET GO! I fell back, hoping, believing and praying the person, my partner in this summer camp exercise, would catch me. It was an exercise in TRUST.

See the person catching is entrusted with a great responsibility, while the person falling backward is trusting they will be caught. I've seen this exercise done on a 'ropes course,' with a harness, and people still being too terrified to relinquish control and free fall. In my humble opinion, the hardest thing for a human to do is to let go!

What would have happened if they didn't catch you when doing the trust exercise? Probably something that involves a whole lot of blood, a trip to the ER and some stiches. But with God, we are assured He WILL ALWAYS catch us!! And what better hands to catch us than ones that created us, made the universe and then sent His son to die for us, so we could be in right relationship with Him again?

Does this mean it won't hurt sometimes? Absolutely not, but sometimes the way He catches us still is painful because He is allowing some pain, so we can learn to depend on Him more, can grow and become stronger! It's ALL about trust.

What I've Learned about Trust

Trust is simply taking someone's hand . . . not asking where they are taking you, how long you will be there or what you are going to do . . . it's simply knowing that person loves you, has your best interests at heart and will do nothing to harm you. So too is it with Jesus.

God assures us ALL things work together for our good (Romans 8:28) and He has plans to prosper us and to give us a future (Jer. 29:11), so with that being said . . . IF we truly believe that why do we so easily freak out and become a ship so easily tossed about by the waves? (Ephesians 4:14).

I've learned God's ways are not always my ways and His thoughts are not always my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9) and that we see through a glass darkly (1st Corinthians 13:12, John 13:7), so we aren't always going to understand, but I honestly believe we aren't SUPPOSED to! It wouldn't be called trust if it was easy! Trust is not easy and is ONLY forged through time, one showing they are trust-worthy, love and relationship.

If anyone is deserving of our TRUST . . . wouldn't it be the One who hung the sun and moon, flung the stars in place (and knows them ALL by name), carved the mountains, filled the creeks, rivers, lakes and oceans, paints the sky and breathed us into existence? And if those reasons somehow aren't enough to trust Him; consider the blood He shed for you to reconcile us to His Father . . . doesn't ALL that demonstrate His great love for us and His trustworthiness?

When It's Hard to Trust

Remember this . . . you are NOT alone. It's difficult to trust when things aren't going your way, when those things you are praying for haven't been answered in the fashion you are believing they will or when your prayer gets answered, but it's not the answer you wanted. That's part of being human.

When you receive the diagnosis, when you receive the tragic news, when you lose your job, when your marriage fails, when that friend betrays you, when you don't feel good enough, when you lose all your money, when your career isn't going the way you'd hoped and dreamed JUST TRUST!!

Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in Him at ALL times, pour out your heart to Him, for God is our Refuge." Notice it doesn't say when everything is hunky dory, when the birds are chirping, the sun is out and the harp is playing . . . it says ALL times. That's not a suggestion-- that's a directive for one of the simplest, yet hardest, things we can ever do here on Earth.

There will be times when He doesn't catch you and you find yourself completely broken. Friends when that happens, REJOICE-- when we are broken . . . when we are hurting . . . when we feel like nothing is going right; that's when we find the Answer to all our questions~ JESUS! That's when He can begin to mold us into the Masterpiece we already are yet have refused to be. When we feel like we can't take another step . . . we find the beautiful Truth-- we don't have to! He will carry us.

INTIMACY

I seek intimacy with Jesus (Yeshua is His name in Hebrew) daily. In intimacy, I find TRUST. In intimacy, I find FAITH. In intimacy, I find conviction not condemnation. In intimacy, I find expectancy. In intimacy, I witness the birth of a beautiful baby~ OBEDIENCE.

All of life's questions, simple and complex, are answered with INTIMACY.

And intimacy is the true reflection of one's heart toward the Father~ it reveals perhaps the greatest motive, "Am I seeking God's hand, His blessings or Divine Assistance, or am I simply, continually and relentlessly lavishing Him with my praise and adoration through a spirit of gratitude?"

The creation not wanting anything from the Creator except to be with Him and tell Him thank You, through words, listening and how one stewards what He has been given, for what He has done and will do . . . that is deep intimacy.

My heart overflows with gratitude not just for what You have done Lord, but for WHO YOU ARE. That's where the DEEPEST intimacy happens-- where deep calls out to deep-- when you worship the I Am for who HE IS not for his works!

That's why I worship and give You not only my praise, but my gifts, talents and LIFE! Your face surpasses endless blessing~ it's the GREATEST blessing of ALL! Seeking your face is rewarding and comes with GREAT RICHES: the fruit of the Spirit, wisdom, knowledge, all-consuming love to give, discernment and lasting joy and peace. The abundant LIFE John 10:10

My Ship Came In

Girl, you're not just out of my league~ you're out of the universe
You are my sweetest blessing after each and every curse

But each one brought me a step closer to a love I never dreamed
This reality is a fantasy, so much better than it seemed

I've been given a present~ a beautiful gift wrapped in Grace
And I open up the package~ each time I look at your face

Your eyes shine with joy and hope~ in your eyes I've found home
I had to come to the place I was no longer lonely; I was just alone

My glorious King filled my heart completely; overflowing the brim
He shined His radiant Light when my world used to be so grey and dim

I stood at the Harbor patiently waiting for my ship to come to shore
You are my Ephesians 3:20~ what I prayed for and so much more

God is teaching me daily what true love means and what it truly looks like
Learning it is more than exciting than when I first learned how to ride a bike

Each step of Earth's journey; I'll walk beside you through sun or storm
15 years later we are together~ 15 years after writing you from my dorm

Without Christ I'm just a boy, but with Him, I'll be your leader and your man
I promise to always pray for you, love you, be there for you and the kids as we follow God Almighty's plan.

I love you Sara and I am forever grateful for your love!

John Mark

Changing Your Tapestry

Moments . . .  moments what life is comprised of. Each one like a single thread-- some beautiful, some ugly and others don't seem to fit the pattern, but the amazing thing is God weaves the most beautiful tapestry imaginable . . . no matter how many ugly threads we give Him once we let Him!The Weaver can ALWAYS make something beautiful out of them!

I truly believe the reason why a work of art is called a masterpiece is because it is a Master's piece . . the moment in time where the artist took the talent God (Master) gave them and created something awe-inspiring. That's what ALL of our lives can become if we surrender our gifts, talents and lives to the Him.

Some threads (decisions/moments in life) seem ugly, but the Weaver is so powerful and loving He can make those, the way they fit into the pattern, the most gorgeous of all. Threads that change not only the pattern, but the whole tapestry itself. See just like the Phoenix . . . He can, will and longs to make beauty from ashes-- life from our death! He is not just our Redeemer; He is Redemption. He is not only the Restorer of ALL things; He is Restoration!

My tapestry has forever been changed here in Honduras~ I have learned all-consuming Love and felt complete security and protection in the No. 1 murder capital of the world. In this place of grave danger; I have come to know a Sanctuary, a Refuge, a Fortress, not our compound the Rose of Sharon in La Ceiba, but Almighty God. I've finally seen for the first time in my life how loved I really am! Or maybe not seen it, but the first time I've fully embraced this COMPLETE Love that's carried me my whole life!

In that embrace, I've found my purpose, my reason for being and I've grasped my significance in a whole new way. I feel more alive than I've ever felt before!

I can't say which moment it was or the people and the part they played; it's too hard to pinpoint. In actuality, it was each one . . . with all the thoughts, the emotions and revelations that played hand-to-glove to each grain of salt in the hourglass that is my life. Was it our lives, and MY life, being spared when the bus driver's foot got stuck on the gas pedal and floored our group's bus in reverse . . . and even though there were always four or five guys behind the bus to unload materials when we stopped . . . not ONE single person was behind it?  As soon as I stepped off the bus someone asked me if I wanted to play soccer. If that had not happened; I would've been right behind the bus!

Was it the kids, so starved for love, throwing caution to the wind and giving you the only thing they had to offer-- LOVE? Was it the way they were latching onto me like a long, lost friend as I slowly shuffled along because I had one kid in my arms and one clinging to my leg like a spider monkey thirty minutes after we landed? Was it seeing the look of hope, like a lighthouse to a sailor lost at sea in the middle of a storm, in their dim eyes? Was it hearing 40 percent of children in Honduras are sexually molested and usually by their own family members? Was it the anger those two numbers brought? Was it hearing 90 percent of Honduran birth certificates don't have their father's signature on them? Was it seeing kids who were receiving a new pair of Tom's (shoes)-- a luxury we often times overlook-- and seeing their faces light up like the Fourth of July? Was it seeing the children wearing clothes from the '80s because it is the only thing they have and shoes with soles coming apart . . . but their souls are FAR from coming apart?

Or was it watching a brother and sister, both five or six years old, beam from ear-to-ear after we gave them a couple of leftover pizza from Pizza Hut . . . getting the same response as if we gave someone a new car in America!?

Maybe it was faces filled with joy and happiness, like it was Field Day, because for them it was. Their laughter, smiles and silliness serving as the perfect reminder we were truly created as God's good pleasure and just how much He longs to see us happy! Or it could have been seeing members of another country opening their arms wide-open, receiving us with so much hospitality we felt like family. Was it the radiation, found deep in my spirit, which is only birthed by obedience? The sweet aroma of worship, which in any language smells the same? Was it watching six and seven-year-olds, filled with so many riches, lead worship you almost forgot you were in an impoverished village? Ot was it a papa pouring spirit-breathed wisdom into a young man the way a server refills a drink? Perhaps it playing with the kids on a playground. The frozen moment in time shared between a mother, who is his hero, and her son?

Was it playing chase with a kid, who desperately wants to be caught? A meal only prepared for special occasions because to them it was? Tears falling down a changed man's face because no words can suffice how he's feeling? A man's faith being rewarded by a woman, he has never even met, writing a $200,000 check to build his new orphanage? A grandson and his grandfather and the mutual respect, admiration and love shared between them? A young woman obedient and courageous enough to see to through fruition the vision the Dream Giver purposed in her heart and a loving husband who supported her each step of the way? A worship leader whose face reflects the joy, radiating from her spirit, filling the room with the warmth of His love?

Watching the meet take the pulpit with the ferocity, and bravery, of taking a bull by its horns and speaking Living Water from the childlike pool of sincerity that resides inside each our hearts? Witnessing a young man serving as an intercessor the same way Jesus does in Heaven with our Father, speaking his language-- one of knowledge and faith? The obedience of young people to exit the 'good life' for one they believe is better, leaving all their luxuries and families behind for the family God appointed? A big country boy, and his Mamacita, who is Papa to his kids only because he knows Papa (God), who even though he is building a 12,000 square foot compound if they were still in that 3-bedroom house would still give those toddlers enough love, guidance, hope and inspiration to fill a state bigger than Texas? 

Leaders obedient enough to let God direct their paths, faithful enough to follow through . . . even if it meant coming to the valley of the shadow of death!? People so hungry for God, so in love with Jesus, they are reading His word when they're not busy living it? A security guard and driver, who aren't just co-gatekeepers of our safety and protection, but who have also become part of our group and friends?

Yes, yes and yes! It was each one. In the same fashion of asking which promises God keeps, so has this trip contained threads destined to change the tapestries of our lives once and for all. Will we let them? Threads woven in perfect synchronization with the promises of God-- that He loves us wholly and relentlessly, that NOTHING can separate us from that Love, that He will never leave or forsake us, that ALL things work together for our good and that He has plans to prosper us and to give us a future!

And while I absolutely care what my life's tapestry will one day look like, what matters more is knowing the Weaver and knowing I am being woven!!

What are you allowing Him to weave today?

*** When we weave the thread; it will be ugly and not fit into the pattern. When the Lord weaves the thread; it will be beautiful, radiant and magnificent!! The beauty, and miracle, is God can and does make beauty from our ashes. Even when we refuse to let Him weave the thread; the way He fits it into our tapestry is still gorgeous! The Weaver works ALL things together for our good, but if He ONLY desires good for our lives . . . doesn't it make more sense to let HIM take the needle instead of holding onto it as if our lives depend on it because TRUE LIFE depends on the exact opposite-- LETTING GO***

Worth It to You

Here I am again on my knees humbly as I bow before Your throne
How can I not worship You-- for who You are . . . in Your arms I'm Home

In Your arms I've found Love~ in Your arms I've found my safe place
I am covered by Your mercy; I am washed in Your grace

Tears flood my face~ tears of joy and tears to show how very thankful I am
Your water, like a raging River, has finally destroyed my dam

I am not deserving, but I will praise You just the same
You clothed me in white and took on all my sin and shame

Master, You are worthy of each and every word I write
I was lost in the darkness, You found me, and bathed me in Your Light

Father, with every breath let me give You ALL the glory
You raised me from my death and chose to change my story! \o/