Marching Around the Walls

When I was given the choice of resigning or being terminated I didn't think much of it. Sure it was disappointing, but with a good resume, solid work to showcase and my charismatic personality, I wouldn't be out of work long.

Then days became weeks, weeks become months and before I knew it months had turned into a year and then two. At times I was very pro-active in my job search and other times, because I hadn't even had so much as a sniff, I wasn't at all. It was a vicious cycle. The more I heard nothing . . . the more likely I was to just sit on my butt and not do anything to try to find a job.

Frustrated, sad, ticked off and way past discouraged; I would often cry before I went to sleep and sometimes during the day as well. When was something going to work out. Finally, I got a breakthrough! As I signed the acceptance of my job as a proofreader, I was ecstatic . . . so much so that when my boss walked out of his office to make a copy of it tears rolled down my cheeks. My tears of sadness had become tears of joy-- what a blessing!

Then a year later my 30 hours got cut. "No big deal," I thought. Then weeks later, bam, they were cut again. After the third cut, which cut into my spirit just as much as my hours, I was left with 12 hours! Almost back in the same boat as before.

Only this time I was more determined. Fifteen, 20, 25 30 applications. Phone calls made, cover letters sent, emails in their inboxes. Going to indeed.com had become a staple of most of my days. NOTHING. Arrrrgggh, it was happening again. I felt like God had put me right on the verge of the Promise Land and now here I was back in the desert. Over the course of several months, I had one interview and it went extremely well, but when they informed me it may only be for 10-15 hours per week; I was not interested.

Do You See Me God?

Many nights I cried myself to sleep. Some may say that's soft, but I just felt like it was all hopeless! Even though my Mom had been my life-jacket financially and rescued me from drowning; I was drowning emotionally.

I continued to pray, kept tithing more than 10 percent every Sunday and kept believing a miracle was on its way (it just was stuck in traffic). I found hope, direction and the strength to endure in my Bible readings and in my worship: in the car, here at home and at the gym, as set after set kept me sane and served as a good release.

In other words I kept marching . . . just like Joshua.

I knew God saw me. I knew He was catching each tear I cried (Psalm 56:8), but it really didn't feel like it. But my Dad told me, "Son, when things are still and it seems like nothing is happening that's when God is doing the most work behind the scenes. Hang in there." I was hanging, but with frustrations building within me, with my girlfriend and my family . . . it was only by a thread!

They all were praying along me, and wanted the best for me, but saw nothing happening. The worst feeling was it wasn't due to lack of effort. I was doing my part. I was putting my feet to the pavement and beating down the proverbial bushes. Still NOTHING. Mad enough to scream, sad enough to tear is how Eminem said it in "Rock Bottom" and that's exactly how it felt.

My girlfriend had two separate conversations with me meant to light a fire under my butt. She knows my potential and could see me not realizing it . . . not when it came to a job or realizing my dreams as a writer. The first conversation did exactly that. The second one, which took place several months later, served that purpose, but each word were like fiery darts with each striking my spirit and hitting my heart. I was a wounded warrior. Not a victim and she wasn't the bad guy. I just had no answers for her. I knew her words were said out of love and draped in encouragement in a 'tough love' sort of way, but I was just as fed up as she was.

I just listened.

And while I did, through the tears forming in my eyes, I silently cried out to God. I deeply love this woman and if I EVER lose her; I sure as heck don't want it to be because of something I had little control over (as all you can do is your part). Please help me Lord! You aren't just the Way-Maker; You are the Way . . not just the Truth-Teller; You are the Truth . . not just the Life-Giver; You are LIFE. I believe.

Despite any evidence; I continued to believe. Isn't that what faith is!?!

YOU ARE born to fly!! By Teena Griffin and John Mark Brooks

I have had this butterfly picture for weeks. I knew that it would be given to you eventually, but today is the day I awakened feeling it was time to give it to you! I am slowly learning that when the Holy Spirit prompts me to do something, I do it even when I don't understand why! I also feel I should share with you the importance of the butterfly in my life.

The Change

The butterfly has always been a beautiful creature to me. However, in the last few years (especially the last seven months) I have come to really appreciate the true beauty of the butterfly and it's more than what it is on the outside. The butterfly hasn't always been the beautiful creature that flits and flutters for all of creation to enjoy. It was once a caterpillar that was often overlooked and sometimes even squashed! Many caterpillars never even make it to the butterfly stage! However, some do.

When they begin to go through "the change" it is a dark and painful process. They are literally encompassed in a dark cocoon. Maybe to the caterpillar they think their life is over. Maybe they want to give up. Maybe they think they have no hope. OR maybe they realize they are surrounded by darkness and things have to get better. They don't know what lies around the corner, they just know that it is in their heart not to give up even when it seems they have literally been buried alive. It is in their darkest moments that they realize that God has given them heart to fly. (Even though they don't have a clue what that means.)

Eventually, they begin to emerge from their darkness with a new hope and resolution. It is a difficult process and they are still so weak and frail, but they know what their Creator has created them to do and they refuse to give up hope. Once they have emerged, they are so excited! "I have wings. I can fly. I can do this!" Until they hear that small voice say, "Be patient. It's not time."

Not Time to Fly~ Time to Dry

The butterfly has to go through a drying process. Their wings aren't ready for them to use. Eager to do what they were created to do, they are halted once again by their inability. Again, they have to be patient and wait on their Creator. And finally the time comes!

What the Father Comes to Say

Our Heavenly Father looks at the butterfly and says, "It is time for you to be what you were created to be. The beautiful creature that you have been all along! Now, fly butterfly, fly!"

What an AMAZING story of the butterfly and the Creator! However, the story doesn't end there. The average adult butterfly only lives two weeks and in those two weeks they have to travel thousands of miles when they migrate. But they never stop being the creature they were created to be. They don't lose their focus by worrying about the little time they have left as a beautiful butterfly. They do not stress on the difficulty that they will have in their lives.

 Tattered, but STILL They Fly!

Their wings may become tattered because of another insect or animal preying on them, but STILL THEY FLY! They may fight the winds that blow against them, but they still fly. They do not know from moment to moment what their lives hold; all they do know is their Creator told them, and made them, to fly-- so they fly!

Thank you for taking the time to read the story of the butterfly and why it's important to me. I hope it touches your life as much as it has touched mine! You are loved. GRACIE @HisGraciE

Teena Griffin

~~~~~ Why this story meant so much to me~~~~~

I was broken. My spirit was broken, my heart was broken, I felt abandoned and alone. I couldn't even listen to words of encouragement without crying . . . because I didn't feel I deserved them and because they touched me so deeply. This story, along with looking at the picture, was something I read numerous times because I knew then what I know now-- I was CREATED to fly!!

It doesn't matter how long I was in the cocoon . . . it doesn't matter how long it took for my wings to dry and it certainly doesn't matter how long my life is-- ALL THAT MATTERS is the Creator has told me to fly, so I WILL! The picture and her heart-felt letter both meant the world to me. A dear friend and member of my family, as she is my Dad's, twitter handle @CowboySpirit, fiancee, had taken the time out of her schedule to speak AWESOME, powerful words of life (Proverbs 18:21) into my life and that was not something I took lightly or take lightly as I read this story!

During that dark point in my life, they came over to my house and encouraged me through investing time, energy, effort and love in me through telling me they believed in me and that ultimately I was going to be OK! They helped get me through the tunnel.

See, you can take this to the bank. You can always count on a few things: death, takes, that Jesus loves you and how FAR God can take SMALL acts/steps of obedience. In this case, His words, through Teena, mended my broken heart and spirit. They didn't make everything instantly OK, but they gave me something that had long been missing . . . HOPE. They were the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. When you are in the tunnel; you feel alone, desperate, not worthy, frustrated, disenchanted, but when you see the light . . . praise God when you see the light, then you have HOPE, you have comfort, you have faith everything is going to be OK!!

Any time, we are obedient and any time we speak words of life, vessels of positivity, into someone else's life . . . we provide that light! What an amazing thought and profound truth-- how great an honor!! So today, help someone else fly-- you may not have known this until now, but helping someone else fly is part of YOUR FLIGHT!

"The quickest way to realize your own dreams is by helping someone else reach their's." @BishopJakes T.D. Jakes