Let Me Brag on my GOD!

The hurt, the pain, the disappointment, the frustration . . .

The times my mouth said I TRUSTED when truthfully I did ANYTHING BUT . . .

The days I stayed in bed with no strength to do a single thing productive . . .

The anti-depressants . . . the suicidal thoughts . . . the belief I had nothing to live for . . .

The years of being unemployed without a job-lead . . . but even worse with NO HOPE . . .

The sexual addiction . . . the insatiable desire, and thirst, for porn . . . the love of the perverse . . . the days and nights I treated myself like nothing more than a WHORE . . .

The couple of nights I had the gun, a 38-special, in my hand completely isolated from anyone who loved me . . .

The not wanting to look myself in the mirror because of the losses I'd experienced, the decisions (mostly not in my right-hand, some just being HUMAN and ALL done out of selfishness) I had made and tireless pursuit of ALL things empty . . .

IT's ALL GONE! A DISTANT memory . . . a NEW creation . . . but the EFFECTS? Those are LASTING. See, losing my childhood best friend when he was 20, losing my little sister (16), my brother (22), my job after five years, my Papaw (who helped raise me), my savings account drained, an ill-advised marriage broken, having my heart broken by two women who swore they'd never leave me (and losing 10-15 pounds after both break-ups), crying what seemed like endless tears, because at times they were, ALL of it.

Wait! You didn't tell them about hour after hour looking at porn, of all types, you didn't tell them about all the beds you've crawled into, the webcam shows, the countless number of naughty pictures both sent and received, threesomes, membership on adult/XXX dating sites and websites, the random hotel rooms, treating good women like whores, Godly women you tried to corrupt, seeking out 'whores' for freebies and at the very lowest point even worse things than that.

I felt like I had lost so much I had NOTHING left. Some of you may be feeling like that now! That's LIE . . . straight from the pits of hell. No matter how much you've lost, God can, will and DOES RESTORE! (back to that in a moment). I was empty. I was broken. I was tormented. But what's worse than that?

Being empty, broken, tormented and filling that emptiness up with any and every thing you can think of-- I didn't sit back and wait for temptation to find me. I actively, relentlessly, tirelessly and unwaveringly sought it out as if my very life depended on it!

This is just a little bit of my testimony. These are the things I've endured. The things I've survived. The things God has used to mold and prepare me. . . for what I'll do, but what's more important to prepare me for who I'll be.

God does NOT say our ABUNDANT LIFE will be without trouble, but He does say He will be with us each step of the way ("Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:39) and also Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you."

The THING we want you to know is YOU are ALREADY a masterpiece~ fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), God's handiwork (Ephesians 2:10), before He formed you in your mother's womb He already knew you, before you born He set you apart (Jeremiah 1:5)~ that's what I want you to know! You just have to walk in it. I just have to walk in it. In other words, it's up to us to TAP INTO IT!! When you accept Jesus as your personal Savior, the same resurrection power that raises Lazarus, and more importantly, Jesus comes to dwell inside you.

It's a DECISION-- not only a year-by-year, month-by-month, week-by-week, day-by-day, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute decision, but a moment-by-moment decision! That's all we have is this moment-- right here and right now . . . nothing more and nothing less.

Where I am now is some about my decision-making ability becoming better, but MORE about His unconditional Love, relentless mercy and ever-abounding Grace.

There is no more crying without ceasing, wailing in my anguish, feeling forgotten and forsaken. No more soaked pillows and not caring if I lived anymore or not. He saw me in my great sadness and lifted me out of it! He replaced my weeping with dancing!! In place of sorrow, He has given me joy! (Jeremiah 31:13)

God's broken the chains of pornography off my life. Sexual addiction no longer dictates my life though I fight it, sometimes successfully and sometimes not, moment-by-moment. I'm not just sleeping with random women in destructive pattern. I am committed to waiting until I am married to have sex. I want to do life His way instead of my own selfish way. I can only imagine how amazing our honeymoon will be knowing I let Jesus write my love story instead of forcing things, intimacy or the relationship in general. I don't deserve a Godly woman, a Proverbs 31 lady, based on the things I've done in my life, but that's another example of God's faithfulness and Grace that I WILL have that!

 I am employed. When I'm not working, I volunteer at Christian Ministry soup kitchen. What He's done and who He is are the reasons why I pour myself into my loving, amazing family and friends and strangers alike.

I appreciate differently. I hear people differently. I see people differently. I smile differently. I pray differently. I believe differently. I trust differently. I smile differently. I feel differently. I envision differently. I hurt differently. I endure differently. I encourage differently. I love differently.

Why? Because I am DIFFERENT and it's ALL because of Jesus.

Some people mistake when I mention me volunteering as me BRAGGING. Well guess what?! I am! I am bragging on God the GREAT (and that falls woefully short of describing Him) I AM!! I only share what 'I' am doing so I can brag on Him. Apart from Christ, I can DO NOTHING good! Not one single thing. Only He can take someone who was 'dead' and raise him back to LIFE! A miserable excuse of a human being into a compassionate man. . . I went from having a good heart with great intentions, but with NO motivation into a servant, which is what I strive for every single day!


Because He loves me, I LOVE-- it's just that simple.

Before I filled my cup with CRAP . . . AKA empty and harmful things . . . now, I try to let God fill it with things that give me life, share His Love and bring Him glory!

No, I don't always get it right. Yes, there are times I fall short, but I am a NEW creation (Therefore if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The OLD has gone, the NEW is here! 2nd Corinthians 5:17). I am DIFFERENT!

While I battle lust and sexual addiction daily, sometimes successfully, one thing I do get right is walking in humility, with each step filled (overflowing the cup) with gratitude for His Love. For Him Him dying for me, adopting me, for guiding me, protecting me, providing for me and for Him not giving up on me are the reasons I am different.

My friends, I know what it's like to have NOTHING. If you have nothing right now, whether it be materially (as far as not having any $$) or spiritually (you being very distant from God), I encourage you to fill your EMPTY cup with Him. If you fill it with anything else, it's just a chasing after the wind . . . a vain pursuit! How do I know? Because I've done it--- a million times over!

All the pain, all the emptiness, all the sin-- that which the Devil hoped would destroy me was turned around and used for God's unsurpassable Glory (Genesis 50:20) and that-- that is WHY I SMILE! That is why shrank my circle of friends, through realizing I used that term far too loosely, so the people I love the most, and are the closest to me, can get the best version of me not the leftovers version! That is why when I don't feel like doing something I do it! I am not married, don't have any kids and not where I want to be in terms of from a professional standpoint, in my career, but I do have something you can't put a value on JOY! Though my future self, if I was 18, would look at me as being incomplete if I was 35 and without all those things, I'm more COMPLETE than ever! I smile because my life bears much fruit and it's ALL BECAUSE OF HIM . . . ALL JESUS, none of me!!

JESUS infinity Me 0.

Hope springs ETERNAL and Hope's last name is Christ. No matter where you are. No matter where you've been. No matter what you've done . . . It's NOT TOO late to empty your cup and start over! That's what I want you to know!! Believe things are going to get better and then make decisions that reflect that faith, so that things DO GET BETTER!

I would love to tell you things get much EASIER, but the truth is that's not the case at all. But if you empty your cup and let God refill it, you will be more FULL than you've ever been. You will thirst NO MORE when your life, heart and mind are filled with the Living Water that is Jesus (John 4:13).

There is an END to your death, which we call depression! There is an end to your frustration! There is an end to your anger! There is an end to your confusion! There is an end to wanting more and to keeping up with the Jones's! There is an end to the thoughts, feelings and beliefs you're not good enough and there is NO purpose for your life! There is an end to the nagging, lingering and stinging sadness! The Light at the end of your tunnel will come and that's Light's name is Jesus!!

The needy, homeless and poor people at the soup kitchen have taught me this . . . they're NOT NEEDY at all! In fact, many of them are more rich than most rich people will EVER be! While many wealthy people forget where their blessings come from, act entitled and prideful, they are appreciative, grateful, honest about where they are and sincere beyond measure. When you have experienced having NOTHING, it's easy to appreciate ANY THING! I've learned this in so many ways and have always said no matter what my bank account says I will be rich in the things that matter.

I no longer am concerned about protecting my losses, my heinous sins, the times I was fake and served two masters or worse the Devil himself . . . I am concerned with protecting God's victory, what He's done, what He is doing and will do, but more importantly WHO HE IS!

I smile because I needed and need a Savior and He found me! I smile because while I'm not where and who I will be, I'm not where I was or who I've been . . . that gives me the strength to boldly walk whatever life may hold day in and day out with not a single step taken in MY strength. My confidence stems from God, the One who hung the stars and moon, carved the mountains, filled the creeks, rivers, lakes, seas and oceans, calls me His son, his friend, his servant. My confidence and great HOPE is found in Philippians 1:6, "He who began a good work in me will continue His work until it is finally finished." Until it is COMPLETE.

We are ALL works in progress. That is a fact . . . not to be mistaken for an excuse to live however we want, but a fact nonetheless and in that we should find great encouragement! KNOW everything works together for our good (Romans 8:28)-- that's how unfathomably awesome God is!! He is before our tragedy . . in our tragedy and after our tragedy! He uses our tragedies, heart breaks, disappointments and unspeakable pain to strengthen us, teach us, correct us and mold us. Trust in His plans for your life (Jeremiah 29:11) for they are FAR greater than we could ever dream up for ourselves! (Ephesians 3:20).

God broke the chains off my life! He is not just the Great Liberator-- He is Liberation! He is Hope for the Hopeless! He is not just the Life-Giver, He is Life . . . not just the Way-Maker, He is the Way . . . not just the Truth-Teller, He is the Truth . . . He is not just the determined Reconciler, He is Reconciliation. . . He is not just the Mender of ALL things broken, He is the glue! He might've allowed those tears, but He also caught every single one (Psalm 56:8) Whatever you need Him to be in your life, He will be-- that's why He calls Himself the 'I Am'

'I Am' your Daddy . . . even if your earthly father has failed you.

'I Am' your Savior. 'I Am' your Friend. 'I Am' your Brother. 'I Am' your Provider. 'I Am' your Protector. 'I Am' your Provider. 'I Am' your ______________. Fill in the blank. Whatever you need in your life right now, at this very moment, I PROMISE you He will be it and He is El Shaddai, which literally translates to, "More than enough breasts," so He won't only be it, but He will be MORE THAN ENOUGH in fulfilling that role in your life!

God not only has turned my heart of rock into a pool . . . He turned my hard heart into springs of Living Water. (Psalm 114:8).

That's why even through ALL the tragedies I've experienced, whether they be my own doing, life's circumstances or God's doing, it's easy to brag on my God! Won't you let Him do the same to yours?