In Christ Alone

We've heard it said so many times as children and throughout the years, "In Christ alone."

And I've always agreed He is the ONLY lasting joy, but that didn't stop my flesh from pursuing temporary joy and fleeting pleasures. . . until three weeks ago. I finally surrendered not just every area of my life, but surrendered all of ME! In Christ alone, I would find my love, sustenance, my joy, my peace, my protection, my identity and my purpose.

I had come to the end of myself . . . because that was the desire of my heart, but also because something was just 'missing' and I had no other choice. It just made sense. I felt great about that decision, but didn't tell a single solitary soul. Then a couple of days later, my new-found commitment would be put to the ultimate test. My girlfriend, the lady I'm planning a future with, broke up with me. Shocked, hurt, mad, disappointed, angry and sad altogether in one emotion was what I felt.

I was shattered.

To make matters worse, and harder, her two toddlers . . . two children, who I love like my own, who day in and day out I've been a parent to, were in the snap of a finger taken along with the object of my affection . . . my good thing! Three people, who just by them having breath in their lungs, make my life better. I was heart-broken. How could I not be? My 'family' was gone in an instant.

With as much warning as a tornado on a sunny day, my life, as I knew it, ended. The twister threw photos in the drawer, the winds crushed my spirit and the aftermath was ghosts in my home and a broken heart with barely an appetite. If for a season, or for good, I mourned with an intensity I've never felt or experienced.

In Christ alone . . .

Though the journey started before this storm, the lessons of trust, obedience, maturity, growth, security, protection and surrender were just starting.

This has been a divine appointment for me and for her-- that's how much He loves us and desires an intimate relationship with us. See, the thing I am guilty of was I gave her, and the kids, lordship over my life. No, I didn't worship them, but I exalted them, in terms of priority, above Jesus. He is a jealous God! Not in the sense He doesn't want us to spend time with the people we love or be happy, but in the sense of having a deep personal relationship with us.

When this happened, I could've blown off God's advances toward me and gone back to the temporary pleasures, of counterfeit love, but I didn't. I've been letting Him court me. I've been reading His Word daily, worshiping Him often and talking to Him even more than I did, which was often. God, to me, is not some Invisible Figure, in the sky . . . He is my Dad, my Guide, my Friend, my Master, my Teacher and my Refuge and I love to spend time with Him. In fact, I had forgotten just how much I do love it until this life-changing appointment.

To say this has been an eye-opening experience for me would hardly do it justice. This has been a life-giving experience! Does it hurt? More than I could've ever imagined. I've cried so many tears, I've groaned when I couldn't form words, I've been fighting mad . . . not at her as much as the situation. Walking into an empty house is difficult . . . not because I NEED her or the kids, but because I want them-- not for my selfish gain, but to lead them spiritually the way I should've the whole time. I am lonely . . . I am, at times, discontent, my days do not have the color they once did, but each day, I am learning-- it is in Christ alone.

In the wildnerness, there is a jewel . . . in the bitter taste of pain is the sweetest taste, so throughout this journey I am squeezing out every ounce of juice and finding the jewels in His provision for me, in the smiles and hugs of family and friends and in His Word.  I don't pine over her in the wildneress; I pine over Jesus.

One day, the pain was overwhelming me about how much I missed the three of them, as I poured out my heart to God (Psalm 62:8) and He revealed something VERY powerful to me. This is going to hit very close to home . . . but you know the way you miss your loved one who passed away? The way you miss the one you used to date or maybe even were married to? That deep longing for them . . That's just a minute amount of how the Creator of the Universe MISSES you!!

I'm not just talking about people who are unbelievers, and haven't accepted Jesus into their hearts, I am talking about men and women, who fill the pews every Sunday yet, whose hearts are FAR from Him. The one raising his hand on the fifth row may be farther from the Lord than the one who sits at the back of the church and sings not a single word.

God showed me, as I cried in His lap, the story of the prodigal isn't just about going from a sinful life to a redeemed one through Christ; it's also about those who know Him, but only on a surface level. It's about ALL of us . . . the agnostic, the atheists, the halfway believers and about the ones who are surrendered to Him. No matter how much you know Him . . . HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU MORE!!

I am not turning to pornography (my biggest struggle in my old life), I'm not turning to other women to meet my needs or to drugs or alcohol . . . although, I am sure some of those things would dull the pain for a moment. I am filling this emptiness, found in the pit of my stomach, with Bible verses, with prayer, with continuing my search for another career and cultivating the career God has already given to me my writing, with volunteering my time to make other people's lives better and with worship. And guess what? The empty feeling doesn't just magically go away, but it does get less and less. Does it fluctuate from day-to-day? You betcha  . . . more than the stock market!

There is no other way to 'make it' or even attempt to live life than hidden in Him. He IS my identity and no matter what earthly success I have, no matter what good things He does through me and no matter what status I reach; I simply want everyone to know I can do NONE of it without Jesus.

My identity, your identity, our identities can never be found in any of life's blessings-- not our children, not our family, not our friends, nor can it be found in our jobs-- not our careers-- not our money-- not our finances-- not our house-- not our cars-- single people, it can't be found in the 'one' who will complete you-- married couples, or even boyfriends and girlfriends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you can't find it in each other!!

~Our identity can only be found in CHRIST ALONE . . . watch this . . . EVERYTHING ELSE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE~ He is the Solid Rock, everything else is sinking sand.

There is not a single day, and honestly not many hours, I don't pray for her. Do I pray for God to send her back to me, so I can be the man I forgot to be somewhere along our journey? I sure do. Do I pray for the kids and their protection, that God would reveal His immeasurable Love to them and that one day they will become a mighty man and woman in God and that that same love would wash over their Mommy? Guilty again. But more than any selfish prayer, I pray she would find her restoration! What I pray for more than her restoration is that she finds EVERYTHING she needs in CHRIST ALONE.

Over the past few years, the Devil has stolen much from me . . . and many times it was because I left the door wide open not because he slithered in through some crack, and each time it was personal, but this time it is on a whole 'nother level! That WHICH WE DON'T VIGILANTLY GUARD through the blood is nothing more than an invitation to the enemy.

If I could only choose between her healing and us being together again . . . I would choose her healing every single time. I couldn't claim to love her, or be her friend, if I didn't, but God doesn't make us choose between two good things-- He desires for us to HAVE IT ALL-- the life more abundantly (John 10:10). There is nothing MORE abundant than knowing JESUS!! And there are few rewards as rich as being a good steward of the things He's entrusted to you.

So I steadfastly pray and when I get that chance to lead her again . . . I will do so in one way-- no days and weeks passing, at a time, where we don't read the Bible together or even talk about His faithfulness-- I will do it IN CHRIST ALONE!

That's how I am living not just each day, but moment to moment . . . Him living through me . . .IN CHRIST ALONE. 'Til the next time I'll be holding God's pen.