15 Years Later

Damn bro, it's hard to believe it's been THAT long!

Fifteen years and I promise you not one day passes where I don't think of you. Sometimes it's because your initials are tattooed on my arm, but most of the time it's just thinking of all the memories we made and how much I miss you Brookins, but sometimes it's because I pass Walker Branch Road late at night, on my way to the gym, and can't help but wonder, as I pass, why my road continues and your's didn't. . or because I see your Mom at the gym and see the hurt in her eyes and hug her and tell her 'I love you' and picture me being you just so you can tell her one last time. She was your hero! We were always Momma boys.

You were Jonathan Branch when your Mom (Sally) introduced us and you instantly became the brother I never had . . . from Kindergarten through middle school we were inseparable and we made so many memories. My house was the first one you ever spent the night at. As I write this, with tears flowing down my cheeks like you just passed, I go through them like a file-cabinet in no particular order.

Pretending my ceiling fan was the basketball hoop and we would slam dunk a Nerf basketball over the blades because we had just watched our hero Michael Jordan drop another 40 on another helpless opponent. . . Us playing endless-games of 1-on-1 basketball at your house, or mine, and our Moms coming out to tell us our peanut butter jelly sandwiches were ready. You would win most of the time, but those were some of the best memories. Maybe I should say I beat you since you aren't around to defend yourself lol-- just messing with ya! Think about all those 1-on-1 football games we played in my grandparents' front yard or your Mawaw's. How many video games did we play over the years? How many hours? Atari . . . Nintendo . . . Sega Genesis . . . Super Nintendo . . . Nintendo 64 . . . Sega Dreamcast . . . man, we played them all! I remember our motto to our Moms too-- "All right, just one more game." And they would always say, does it not have a pause button? And we would just either ignore them or just laugh and keep playing, and playing and playing . . .

All the Carolina football and basketball games . . . all the Braves' games . . all the Dolphins' games . .
all the Chicago Bulls' games . . . playing in the tree house or on the swing . . . snowball fights in my grandparents' front yard . . . talking about how pretty Tyona (Brackett) was/is. . . Heather (Wylie) and Haley (Ledford) too . . . all the Kung Fu and Jean Claude Van Damme movies . . . all the girls' hearts we broke . . . you on the top bunk with your's and me on the bottom with my girl and we were just in middle school . . . all basketball games from South Fork through high school . . . bro, we used to compete like we HATED each other, but it was always love . . . Ping-Pong games . . . trips to Carowinds . . . sitting in church . . . going to youth group . . . MYF . . . Lincolnton Wolves' football and basketball games and us looking up at the players like they were pros . . .  writing in each other's yearbooks from elementary through middle school and high school . . .

Staying up all night playing video games, eating chips and drinking sweet tea and Sun Drop . . . you trying to sneak into my sister's room . . . us aggravating her . . . you were always acting like you had a crush on my Momma or my sister and giving me a hard time about it.. us being sweet to your little sister Lauren, you adored that little girl, or me telling you be nicer to her . . . us walking home and watching cartoons after school from S. Ray Lowder . . . still think you were supposed to marry Sarah King, don't worry she got a good husband who takes cares of her and two beautiful children . . . us playing in the neighborhood with Matthew and Stephen (Adams), Brent (Colvard), Jody (Harkey), David (Forrester) and whoever else we could find . . . Going to Camp Cheerio . . . playing tennis, pretending we were Andre Agassi, Pete Sampras and Boris Becker . . . us shooting the bow and arrow . . . going to Lake Hickory and Norman . . riding the JetSki and fishing . . Junior Catillion-- who hated it more!?!

You getting your license before me and us bumping Scarface and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, in your white Camaro (little did we know your last trip would be in a black one-- believe it or not, my little step-sister died in a black one too . . she was 16) , on the way to high school and we thought it was coolest thing in the world the bass was shaking the rearview mirror . . . me cheering you on in baseball at the West Lincoln Dixie League through you becoming an All-State pitcher and winning state titles . . . hanging out in your dorm room-- me, you, Black, Trey and Blackwell, playing video games, bumping Goodie Mob and Outkast . . . us passing notes to girls in elementary and comparing when we got home . . .

Us swimming at the Cloningers, playing Marco Polo . . . going to Brandee Potts' house 704-735-6337 . . . crazy that I still remember her number haha . . . us playing the circle, dot game just so we could punch each other . . . This is crazy! I haven't thought of some of these things in over 20 years! Giving each other nicknames . . . our first adjustable basketball goals and us dunking on them so much Sally and Florence would fuss and it didn't take long for those rims to get bent . . .

Me dropping by Hollybrook just to chat-- I swear I would feel your presence like you were right beside me, calling me punk, as*hole or some other name you used to show me how close I was to you . . . I would have some deep chats with you my boy, like the good ol' days 735-6792/704-735-0545 to 735-1101, with no one else around except the cold wind and my thoughts and tears . . .

Watching GI Joe . . . Ghostbusters . . . The Never-ending Story . . . Goonies . . . you in your black blazer and me in my Saturn racing down the mountain from Western, literally racing-- man, that was stupid but it was fun . . . speed always is until :o( . . .  All the laughs . . . all the smiles . . .  all the stories about girls . . . the Black-n-Mild cigars . . .  Me annoying you, by staying on top of you to not take the Lord's name in vain, until you quit saying God-dam*it, so you tweaked it to God bless it-- I still say that now bro . . .

Enough of the Memories . . .

I always looked up to you Jonathan. You were always the coolest, sure we were both popular, but you were always the coolest dude in our class. You were like a big brother to me. That's why when Matthew (Adams) knocked on my door Albright 207 door to tell us you were gone, it crushed me! It was raining that day, which was fitting because I had a broken heart bro. See, you know you were into partying in high school and I was a goodie-goodie, so we went down two separate paths . . . and we never got that closeness back like it was growing up, but like you said in our last high school yearbook-- an entry, and a blessing I'll always cherish, where you did something you never did . . . let your guard down.

"Brooksy, well man we are about to graduate! It's been lots of fun over our 4 yrs of high school. I know that we have kinda lost touch over the last couple yrs, but hey the friendship is all that matters. Well I'll more than likely see you at Western. J.B.

I always looked forward to after college when our friendship came full-circle and we would be tight again. Once Matthew knocked on our door at 6:30 that morning, I knew we would never get that chance. That hurts like hell to this very day! But with that knock something else changed. The semester after you passed, I re-committed to myself. I felt like I was carrying dreams for two instead of just me. In my heart I dedicated my grades to you-- I ended up with a 3.95 in my major and made the Dean's List multiple times. . . that was off the heels of making 3 Ds one semester my freshman year.

I've never lost that feeling. One day, I'll be a husband, one day I'll be a Dad and when those days come . . . you'll become a husband and Dad too!! You already have many times as over as Brian, Shane, Billy etc. have become husbands and Dads. Anything I accomplish writing, or in any walk of life, it's also your accomplishment. I want to make you proud-- proud of what I do and proud of the man I am, so you can look down, smile and say, "That's my little brother!"

You are the biggest reason why I take a gazillion pictures of the people I love because when I went back through all my pictures I had less than 10 of you and I swore that would never happen again! Ask Sara or any of my family-- it annoys the hell out of them! LOL. You are the reason, along with Karson and A.J., I appreciate the hell out of life, soaking up every single drop and cherishing every day I get. . . sometimes I feel unworthy I've had 14 more years than you, 18 more than Karson and 12 more than A.J. When I squander them, I feel y'all speaking to me and telling me it's OK don't beat yourself up, but you ONLY GET ONE so be sure to LIVE IT because we know it's over before you know it! You're the biggest reason I tell my Momma, my Dad, my sister, Buddy, my Mamaw, my nieces and all my friends I love them because I never, in 14 years of friendship, told you once . . . not even a single time. Boys don't do that-- we were too cool although we knew.

Sorry for not coming to your funeral . . . I couldn't-- couldn't take the pain . . . denial doesn't begin to describe where I was. I also didn't want to break down and draw attention to myself-- that was your day! But shoot, I know you forgive me. The only silver lining of you passing at 20 is while we all go bald, get fat and lose our hearing, you will forever be that blonde-haired, curly-headed, bad boy with a smile that melted girls' hearts, a goatee and the first dude out of our class to get a tattoo (barb-wire at that). You will remain the boy who had a heart a gold and a gentle nature that caused little kids to flock to you like they did Jesus. You were James Dean meets Justin Timberlake bro and I was blessed to be your little brother and friend. . . to be the friend who you always picked on, but you never let anybody else!

The greatest tribute I can ever give you is NEVER letting you die-- as long as we keep your memory alive, while you may not be here, YOU will always be here with us! The greatest honor I can show you is letting you leaving us so soon make me be a better person-- a better believer, son, brother, friend, uncle and one day Dad, and Lord willing, Papaw.

I give you my word~ I will do both!! I already try my best to. You left behind a void that can never be filled . . . then again, it's not supposed to. If it is, we'll fill it by simply enjoying life-- something you can never be accused of failing to do.

Mikey D (Mike Devine), yeah remember Mike? Like another Dad to you . . . how many nights did you and Trey keep him up talking 'for just a minute.' haha He's the pastor at Covenant now (shocker right?) and the Lord is living through him and using him in a mighty way, leading many to Christ just like he did you. He told me about you getting things right with Jesus, shortly before you crossed over, so I know I'll see you again one day and I believe you welcomed Karson at the gates.

One Final Goodbye

I asked God for a miracle. It was the night after you died and I prayed, asking God to let me see you again. That night I dreamed we were all playing basketball in gym, like we did so often, and you were there. I looked at you funny and whispered to Matthew (Adams), Damien (Luce), Jason (Cooper), Matthew (Kennedy), Jeremy (Wilson) and Steve (Schley) among others, "How is he here?" I'll never forget two things: that God made the impossible possible through answering my prayer and 2. what you said to me.

"I came back to make everything right. Tell Mom, George and Lauren I love them. Tell Brian, Shane, and Trey I love them. I love you bro . . . even if I never see you again."

I told them. Actually, you just told them yourself.

Outkast's Aquemini will always have a place in our hearts since that's what you were listening to that cold November night. I know your rearview was shaking as you bumped 'Ha ha hush that fuss/everybody move to the back of the bus!' Your last moments here on Earth I believe were happy ones. A tragedy none of us ever thought we would be faced with WILL NEVER erase the memories, all the years we experienced with you!!

Some cards life deals us are shitty-- like that fateful night-- there is no other way to say it, but where you are God gave you your Royal Flush. I mean you get to be with Jesus all the time . . . it gets no better than that! So don't rest in peace Jonathan David Brookins, love every single second in His presence and with your loved ones. All I ask is when it's my time is for you to be part of my greeting committee . . . meet your boy at the gates!

Til' then I'll be missing you and carrying you with me each step I make and each breath I take.