The Beauty in the Spark

Songs can capture exactly how you feel at that given moment and when they do it's quite poignant. . . and sometimes they catch you completely by surprise.

This happened to me about a month ago. The song was Joy by British singer Tracey Thorn. I had just gone to see about a job and even though I had, for all intents and purposes, gotten the position, I was more discouraged than I had been in awhile. When you get disappointed so many times, you get so tired of that feeling you truly feel like nothing will EVER work out for you!

My spirit was crushed with sadness and I didn't really even know why. What I did know was I needed God to meet me in that place of deep hurt and just hold me. . . and He did so through this song. There were two lines that struck me with all the subtlety of a tornado.

You loved it as a kid/now, you need it more than you ever did/ and it's because of the dark/you see the beauty in the spark. Those words touched my soul and gave my spirit, bruised and beaten up, a much-needed hug.

See I needed that same type of joy and wonderment I had as a child and I was asking God to restore those feelings in my heart. . . a pure heart that has been broken many times over and let cynicism slowly begin to seap in. When you are going through adverse times, in the midst of the intense heat of the Refiner's fire, any good thing is amplified a million times over. For me, the prospects of full-time employment and this song were two sparks in an extremely dark time.

I listened to Thorn's song over and over and over and sobbed, uncontrollably at times, pouring my heart out to God. On my knees, pounding the ground and shouting out begging Him to come through for me! I just told Him what I needed and, although He already knew it, how I felt. When I calmed down and regained my composure, I decided I would try to find her on Twitter. I did and I wrote her. Although she has over 40,000 followers, I wrote her. Strangely enough, to some, I had no doubt she would write me back.

I told her how God has truly touched her voice and how deeply her song Joy had touched me and what it now means to me, making sure she knew few songs had ever had that strong of an effect on me. I let her know I was praying for her and hoped she had a blessed Christmas. I did hear back from her and she informed me she is a complete atheist. While some people would've been discouraged hearing such news . . . it only made me praise God that much more!

Only He could use someone, who doesn't even believe in Him, to reach and encourage one of His followers! That was really profound to me. God is SO BIG and filled with wisdom He may even show this talented singer, one day, how He was with her even when she had no faith-- who knows!

The Lord heard my cries. He caught every single tear I cried that night and over the past few months. I worshiped Him, sometimes reluctantly, but I worshiped nonetheless. I talked to Him and I listened to what He was teaching me. He rewarded my obedience. He rewarded my heart, because He is ALWAYS faithful! Just when I had gotten to the point I couldn't take ANY more . . . He delivered!

Was the tunnel dark? Was it scary? Yes it was, but on the other side I'm experiencing a brilliant Light that makes me forget just how dark it was and that . . . that's a BEAUTIFUL feeling! My big sister, who is like a second Mom to me, said, "I'm just so happy to have my Bubbi back." My response was, "Me too."

When you've survived a crushing blow, one the devil hoped would destroy you, you bounce back stronger, wiser and more resilient than ever. The flames did not consume you~ they forged you! And since the fourth man in the flames protected you and guided you through the Valley of the Shadow of the Death, you emerge not only victorious, but more appreciative of His provision as well! After the dark comes the morning . . . remember that. The storm may be FIERCE, but I assure you God can, and will, in His timing calm it.

What does this glorious light consists of? A new place of employment, my first full-time job in over four years (that wasn't seasonal and that was at least 40 hours) with benefits and an amazing woman . . . one that I never would've believed our paths would've crossed again. Twenty one years after being boyfriend and girlfriend in middle school (7th grade). Here we are again, except this time pruned and prepared. What a faithful God! Beauty beyond measure-- both outwardly and more importantly inwardly. The wildest part is the VERY LAST thing I was looking for was a girlfriend, or any type of relationship, due to my wounded heart and mistrust I suddenly had in women.

But when it's a God thing you just KNOW and I will never turn down His bread (manna). When He's the Orchestrator of it . . . it's just right and there is no doubt! We are trying a new approach than we've ever taken-- we are letting Him build the relationship brick and brick with us putting our tools down. He was a carpenter 2000 years ago and though it sometimes doesn't feel like it . . . He is continually building in our lives!

So I encourage you mighty man, mighty woman of God~ HOLD ON!! Help is on its way . . . things are going to get better for you! Keep in mind the Teacher is always quiet during the tests. When you get tired of holding on, hold on through His strength. He desires to bless you and sometimes that blessing is an unanswered prayer. . . one that feels like a denial. He desires to grow and mature you and that most effectively happens through pain and brokenness.

In the face of the paralyzing fear, and sadness, Satan tries to place in your path, throw JOY-- he hates it when whatever schemes he tries to execute don't succeed in stopping our worship of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

The cavalry may not come to your rescue when you want it to, but I can assure you with every breath in my lungs . . . it will come! The One who died for us on Cavalry, Jesus Christ, will once again be your ever-present Help, but I encourage you to before, during and after give Him the glory and know He is working ALL things together for your good! Know your worth as a precious, and beloved, child of God and praise His glorious name in the hallway until He opens up a door for you!

It's in the hallway He teaches us, molds us and matures us the most. Don't miss some of His greatest miracles in the hallway because you are too busy praying for the miracle on the other side of the door.