Ye Though I Walk Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death

Ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I shall fear no evil for Thou art with me.

Who knows how many times I've read those words found in the 23rd Psalm, or read them, but it wasn't until this week I learned something about the valley that I've never known before.

And the CRAZY, albeit ironic, is it was in my face all along. As humans, we are susceptible to our emotions no matter how strong our faith is. We get overwhelmed with grief, eaten up with sadness
. . . we become frustrated, we doubt things are going to work out in our favor or in the way we want. In short, we fluctuate and are very fickle. When we are walking through the valley, there will be times we are steadfast and firm in the knowledge, and belief, God is working this together for my good, but there will be times when we look around and ALL we see is where we are!

It's scary . . . it's uncertain . . . it's unfamiliar . . . upon first glance; it's FAR from the place we feel God's love and see His faithfulness. Key words being: upon first glance. The thing God showed me a couple of days ago is it's NOT about where you are, but WHO YOU ARE WITH!! My problem is, and the thing I fight, I too often focus on my problem, my situation, my circumstance, my source of disappointment and my loss more than the Solution.

One of the best quotes I've heard about walking in this scary place, where you are stripped down to just your deep dependence on God is from Saddleback Church Pastor Rick Warren.
"When you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death; you turn your back on the shadow and face the Light."

It's simple. Really it's too simple, but it's true. The more we focus on where we are, instead of who we're with, our faith suddenly doesn't feel sufficient enough and our doubt and hurt is all our lives become centered around. But let's pay attention to those four life-changing words, "For Thou art with me."

Those words mean we not only have a Friend on our journey, through the valleys and on the peaks, but we also have a Sanctuary, a place of refuge, somewhere we will be protected and if that's not enough; our Friend will also take our burden. Isn't that amazing?!? And if that doesn't blow your mind, our Friend, our Sanctuary is the Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

Matthew 11:28-30 says when we are burdened and weary, He will give us rest. God then encourages us to 'learn of me,' which makes me think . . . do we spend more time focusing on our problem, our heartache or do we see explore what He is teaching us in the valley?

The Devil and sin, which is a parasite found in all of us due to the fall of mankind in the garden, both want us to dwell on the problem, but faith is not saying God do you see how big this problem is? . . . faith is looking at God and saying, "That problem is big, but I know you are BIGGER!"

Whatever has you stressing, down in the dumps, sad, frustrated and feeling as if there is no hope; it pales in comparison to Jesus. Your girlfriend, your wife, your boyfriend, your husband, your career, your finances, your kids . . . whatever is the source of discontentment, because you want your situation to be better, it's at best second place in your life and at worst maybe just in your top five of what's really important.

So, don't look at the waves, no matter how big they are, as if they are the entire ocean. Trust me I know it's not easy to do. When the pain is real, when the tears won't stop and when you feel like giving up, but God has a beautiful plan for your life. . . Keep things in perspective. I had some great friends Damien, Jason, Kris, Logan and Joey, among my parents, Buddy, sister, brother-in-law, Teena and my Mamaw, who reminded me of this very thing. We have to keep the big picture in mind not just this season of our lives. It's going to get better no matter the resolution.

I pray if they do come back that it's better than ever, if you do get that job or career, I pray it's everything, and more, you hoped it would be, if God does you favor in your finances, I pray you remember out of whose hand it was provided. But more than the outcome is our trust when going through this uncomfortable, unpredictable and scary place. It's knowing where He is leading you is BETTER than you've been.

I fear we are dyslexic as believers. We focus on finding our healing, overcoming our addiction, beating that nagging sin and look for all these ways to approach our problems THEN we go to God. We need to go to God to find our healing, to be restored, to overcome our addiction and for Him to give us direction, letting Him guide our each and every step. . . in good times and in bad.

There is nothing wrong with having faith, against all odds, in fact, I believe He rewards our heart's desires when we do and when we seek Him, but what matters more than anything is intimacy with the Lord. It's about knowing Him more, getting closer to Him and listening to what He speaks to us.

The valley, at our loneliest, most broken and uncertain place, is where we are put through the Refiner's fire (Zech. 13:9) like silver and gold. The process is painful, but it not fruitless. In the valley, in the furnace, God is at work. Look at His assurance found in Isaiah 48:10. "Behold, I have refined you . . . I have tried you in the furnace of affliction."

So be thankful. I know it's not easy. I know it's not fun, but in the end it will be worth it! After all, He told us it was so.

Psalm 66:10-12

"For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of ABUNDANCE."

Growing old with Grace~ to my Mamaw

You may have lost your memory, but you've still grown old with grace
And you've always known how to bring a smile to my face

I remember summers in Elk Park just like they happened yesterday
Being six, standing on the porch, you showed me the Way

Down at the creek, at the pond, in the yard or on a swing
These memories play a sweet chorus~ oh listen how they sing!

Growing up, you always knew what words you needed to say
And those words were often said, with your head bowed, as you took my hand to pray

You and Papaw would sit, in the living room, with a Bible in your lap
God not only led your marriage, but His Word was the map

Y'all raised three great children-- two boys and one girl
And I'm blessed, 34 years ago, it was she who introduced me to this world

You've always been there beside me, my special buddy, right by my side
I humbly walk in gratitude, but in my Mamaw I take much pride

All the knowledge, wisdom, faith and love, you've shared with me over the years
You've taught me there is nothing too broken for Jesus and to choose faith over my fears

It's a blessing for you to live so long; you got to watch your grandchildren have greats
I will cry when you go to Heaven, but I will smile because I know Papaw and your parents will meet you at the gates! JMB

In Christ Alone

We've heard it said so many times as children and throughout the years, "In Christ alone."

And I've always agreed He is the ONLY lasting joy, but that didn't stop my flesh from pursuing temporary joy and fleeting pleasures. . . until three weeks ago. I finally surrendered not just every area of my life, but surrendered all of ME! In Christ alone, I would find my love, sustenance, my joy, my peace, my protection, my identity and my purpose.

I had come to the end of myself . . . because that was the desire of my heart, but also because something was just 'missing' and I had no other choice. It just made sense. I felt great about that decision, but didn't tell a single solitary soul. Then a couple of days later, my new-found commitment would be put to the ultimate test. My girlfriend, the lady I'm planning a future with, broke up with me. Shocked, hurt, mad, disappointed, angry and sad altogether in one emotion was what I felt.

I was shattered.

To make matters worse, and harder, her two toddlers . . . two children, who I love like my own, who day in and day out I've been a parent to, were in the snap of a finger taken along with the object of my affection . . . my good thing! Three people, who just by them having breath in their lungs, make my life better. I was heart-broken. How could I not be? My 'family' was gone in an instant.

With as much warning as a tornado on a sunny day, my life, as I knew it, ended. The twister threw photos in the drawer, the winds crushed my spirit and the aftermath was ghosts in my home and a broken heart with barely an appetite. If for a season, or for good, I mourned with an intensity I've never felt or experienced.

In Christ alone . . .

Though the journey started before this storm, the lessons of trust, obedience, maturity, growth, security, protection and surrender were just starting.

This has been a divine appointment for me and for her-- that's how much He loves us and desires an intimate relationship with us. See, the thing I am guilty of was I gave her, and the kids, lordship over my life. No, I didn't worship them, but I exalted them, in terms of priority, above Jesus. He is a jealous God! Not in the sense He doesn't want us to spend time with the people we love or be happy, but in the sense of having a deep personal relationship with us.

When this happened, I could've blown off God's advances toward me and gone back to the temporary pleasures, of counterfeit love, but I didn't. I've been letting Him court me. I've been reading His Word daily, worshiping Him often and talking to Him even more than I did, which was often. God, to me, is not some Invisible Figure, in the sky . . . He is my Dad, my Guide, my Friend, my Master, my Teacher and my Refuge and I love to spend time with Him. In fact, I had forgotten just how much I do love it until this life-changing appointment.

To say this has been an eye-opening experience for me would hardly do it justice. This has been a life-giving experience! Does it hurt? More than I could've ever imagined. I've cried so many tears, I've groaned when I couldn't form words, I've been fighting mad . . . not at her as much as the situation. Walking into an empty house is difficult . . . not because I NEED her or the kids, but because I want them-- not for my selfish gain, but to lead them spiritually the way I should've the whole time. I am lonely . . . I am, at times, discontent, my days do not have the color they once did, but each day, I am learning-- it is in Christ alone.

In the wildnerness, there is a jewel . . . in the bitter taste of pain is the sweetest taste, so throughout this journey I am squeezing out every ounce of juice and finding the jewels in His provision for me, in the smiles and hugs of family and friends and in His Word.  I don't pine over her in the wildneress; I pine over Jesus.

One day, the pain was overwhelming me about how much I missed the three of them, as I poured out my heart to God (Psalm 62:8) and He revealed something VERY powerful to me. This is going to hit very close to home . . . but you know the way you miss your loved one who passed away? The way you miss the one you used to date or maybe even were married to? That deep longing for them . . That's just a minute amount of how the Creator of the Universe MISSES you!!

I'm not just talking about people who are unbelievers, and haven't accepted Jesus into their hearts, I am talking about men and women, who fill the pews every Sunday yet, whose hearts are FAR from Him. The one raising his hand on the fifth row may be farther from the Lord than the one who sits at the back of the church and sings not a single word.

God showed me, as I cried in His lap, the story of the prodigal isn't just about going from a sinful life to a redeemed one through Christ; it's also about those who know Him, but only on a surface level. It's about ALL of us . . . the agnostic, the atheists, the halfway believers and about the ones who are surrendered to Him. No matter how much you know Him . . . HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU MORE!!

I am not turning to pornography (my biggest struggle in my old life), I'm not turning to other women to meet my needs or to drugs or alcohol . . . although, I am sure some of those things would dull the pain for a moment. I am filling this emptiness, found in the pit of my stomach, with Bible verses, with prayer, with continuing my search for another career and cultivating the career God has already given to me my writing, with volunteering my time to make other people's lives better and with worship. And guess what? The empty feeling doesn't just magically go away, but it does get less and less. Does it fluctuate from day-to-day? You betcha  . . . more than the stock market!

There is no other way to 'make it' or even attempt to live life than hidden in Him. He IS my identity and no matter what earthly success I have, no matter what good things He does through me and no matter what status I reach; I simply want everyone to know I can do NONE of it without Jesus.

My identity, your identity, our identities can never be found in any of life's blessings-- not our children, not our family, not our friends, nor can it be found in our jobs-- not our careers-- not our money-- not our finances-- not our house-- not our cars-- single people, it can't be found in the 'one' who will complete you-- married couples, or even boyfriends and girlfriends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you can't find it in each other!!

~Our identity can only be found in CHRIST ALONE . . . watch this . . . EVERYTHING ELSE IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE~ He is the Solid Rock, everything else is sinking sand.

There is not a single day, and honestly not many hours, I don't pray for her. Do I pray for God to send her back to me, so I can be the man I forgot to be somewhere along our journey? I sure do. Do I pray for the kids and their protection, that God would reveal His immeasurable Love to them and that one day they will become a mighty man and woman in God and that that same love would wash over their Mommy? Guilty again. But more than any selfish prayer, I pray she would find her restoration! What I pray for more than her restoration is that she finds EVERYTHING she needs in CHRIST ALONE.

Over the past few years, the Devil has stolen much from me . . . and many times it was because I left the door wide open not because he slithered in through some crack, and each time it was personal, but this time it is on a whole 'nother level! That WHICH WE DON'T VIGILANTLY GUARD through the blood is nothing more than an invitation to the enemy.

If I could only choose between her healing and us being together again . . . I would choose her healing every single time. I couldn't claim to love her, or be her friend, if I didn't, but God doesn't make us choose between two good things-- He desires for us to HAVE IT ALL-- the life more abundantly (John 10:10). There is nothing MORE abundant than knowing JESUS!! And there are few rewards as rich as being a good steward of the things He's entrusted to you.

So I steadfastly pray and when I get that chance to lead her again . . . I will do so in one way-- no days and weeks passing, at a time, where we don't read the Bible together or even talk about His faithfulness-- I will do it IN CHRIST ALONE!

That's how I am living not just each day, but moment to moment . . . Him living through me . . .IN CHRIST ALONE. 'Til the next time I'll be holding God's pen.

NO OTHER NAME

My heart will sing NO other name but Jesus.

That is how it is NOW inside me, but that hasn't always been the case! In fact, FAR from it . . . my heart has sung so many names; it's not even funny!! But one thing is certain-- only ONE song of my heart has NEVER left me filling incomplete, insufficient, restless, frustrated and tricked . . . JESUS!!

For six years, one song my heart sang on repeat was lust. LUST, sex, perversions, porn etc. And trust me-- it was on repeat, but the BEAUTIFUL part about it is with any CD . . . you can always hit eject and put another one in. That's what I chose to do.

See-- it's not that some of the things I did didn't satisfy me. Sometimes they did, but they NEVER satisfied me in a lasting fashion. How could they? How can anything? Money, status, respect, drugs, alcohol, sex, the opposite sex, the same sex, our jobs, our spouses, our significant others, not even our family. NOTHING brings lasting happiness, contentment, JOY and a sense of purpose like Jesus.

Many things can bring you temporary happiness. Many things can satisfy in the moment, but why would we, so willingly, embrace counterfeit when real exists? Not only does real exists, but it satisfies FOREVER! Isn't it foolishness we would chase after those things, knowing what the end-game will be? Knowing we will be left feeling empty?

What Name is Your Heart Singing?

It's not just sin that our heart can sing. It's husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, family members, friends. If we long for anything more than we long for Jesus . . . our heart is singing another name. I liken that to trying to fill up a cup that has a hole in it. No matter how much you try to pour in . . . it will never be enough!

No, I'm not saying we aren't supposed to have loved ones, who mean a great deal to us. I believe they are some of God's greatest gifts, but when we make her the focus of our heart-- we embrace fleeting when Lasting has His loving arms out just waiting for us to run into them!

I'm not casting any stones, because I have been, and still am at times, guilty of making my girlfriend an idol in my heart, but I am working on that. . . err, rather shall I say God is working on that for me.

There is no GREATER freedom than when you finally say-- I am done fighting! I am done serving Satan! I am done serving two masters, but only giving my allegiance to the Devil! My heart will sing NO OTHER name but Jesus!! That's when you begin to tap into the FULL abundant life found in John 10:10, but written in our DNA.

We were made, the reason we exists, is to KNOW God.

How Do You Hit the Eject Button?

It doesn't matter what name your heart sang yesterday or even a minute ago! That's the beauty of God . . . He cares about our future and doesn't hold against us, in terms of how much He loves us, our past allegiances. That's called GRACE.

How do you surrender? By doing what Hebrews 12:1 says, "Fixing our eyes on Jesus and running the race that was marked out for us, throwing off the sin that SO easily entangles." It's not a one-time decision. It's a continual one.

I have to set the record straight on a common misconception-- NONE of us can hit the eject button and put a new CD in using our own strength, but ALL of us can letting Him do it through us. I believe this is the case, so we will give Him the Glory instead of taking the credit for our change and improvement of behavior ourselves.

The life of a believer is found on the Surgeon's gurney. God, our Creator and Savior, is performing surgery on us. He is taking out the bad and replacing it with Him, who is good and the surgery will not end until we have drawn our final breath! That's exciting especially when you look at Phil. 1:6 that says the work He has begun in us WILL BE COMPLETED!! The purpose He has for your life WILL come to pass if we allow Him to have His way.

Ask God to change the song of your heart. The dance won't go as smoothly, but at least you'll no longer be dancing alone.

iTrustYOU

There I stood, not paralyzed in fear, but hesitant to do as I was told. The directive wasn't difficult, but it was scary. Sweat formed on my brow, my knees felt a little weak and the thought of what could happen scared me.

But then I did something that has unlimited power in our lives if we will just do it . . . I LET GO! I fell back, hoping, believing and praying the person, my partner in this summer camp exercise, would catch me. It was an exercise in TRUST.

See the person catching is entrusted with a great responsibility, while the person falling backward is trusting they will be caught. I've seen this exercise done on a 'ropes course,' with a harness, and people still being too terrified to relinquish control and free fall. In my humble opinion, the hardest thing for a human to do is to let go!

What would have happened if they didn't catch you when doing the trust exercise? Probably something that involves a whole lot of blood, a trip to the ER and some stiches. But with God, we are assured He WILL ALWAYS catch us!! And what better hands to catch us than ones that created us, made the universe and then sent His son to die for us, so we could be in right relationship with Him again?

Does this mean it won't hurt sometimes? Absolutely not, but sometimes the way He catches us still is painful because He is allowing some pain, so we can learn to depend on Him more, can grow and become stronger! It's ALL about trust.

What I've Learned about Trust

Trust is simply taking someone's hand . . . not asking where they are taking you, how long you will be there or what you are going to do . . . it's simply knowing that person loves you, has your best interests at heart and will do nothing to harm you. So too is it with Jesus.

God assures us ALL things work together for our good (Romans 8:28) and He has plans to prosper us and to give us a future (Jer. 29:11), so with that being said . . . IF we truly believe that why do we so easily freak out and become a ship so easily tossed about by the waves? (Ephesians 4:14).

I've learned God's ways are not always my ways and His thoughts are not always my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-9) and that we see through a glass darkly (1st Corinthians 13:12, John 13:7), so we aren't always going to understand, but I honestly believe we aren't SUPPOSED to! It wouldn't be called trust if it was easy! Trust is not easy and is ONLY forged through time, one showing they are trust-worthy, love and relationship.

If anyone is deserving of our TRUST . . . wouldn't it be the One who hung the sun and moon, flung the stars in place (and knows them ALL by name), carved the mountains, filled the creeks, rivers, lakes and oceans, paints the sky and breathed us into existence? And if those reasons somehow aren't enough to trust Him; consider the blood He shed for you to reconcile us to His Father . . . doesn't ALL that demonstrate His great love for us and His trustworthiness?

When It's Hard to Trust

Remember this . . . you are NOT alone. It's difficult to trust when things aren't going your way, when those things you are praying for haven't been answered in the fashion you are believing they will or when your prayer gets answered, but it's not the answer you wanted. That's part of being human.

When you receive the diagnosis, when you receive the tragic news, when you lose your job, when your marriage fails, when that friend betrays you, when you don't feel good enough, when you lose all your money, when your career isn't going the way you'd hoped and dreamed JUST TRUST!!

Psalm 62:8 says, "Trust in Him at ALL times, pour out your heart to Him, for God is our Refuge." Notice it doesn't say when everything is hunky dory, when the birds are chirping, the sun is out and the harp is playing . . . it says ALL times. That's not a suggestion-- that's a directive for one of the simplest, yet hardest, things we can ever do here on Earth.

There will be times when He doesn't catch you and you find yourself completely broken. Friends when that happens, REJOICE-- when we are broken . . . when we are hurting . . . when we feel like nothing is going right; that's when we find the Answer to all our questions~ JESUS! That's when He can begin to mold us into the Masterpiece we already are yet have refused to be. When we feel like we can't take another step . . . we find the beautiful Truth-- we don't have to! He will carry us.

INTIMACY

I seek intimacy with Jesus (Yeshua is His name in Hebrew) daily. In intimacy, I find TRUST. In intimacy, I find FAITH. In intimacy, I find conviction not condemnation. In intimacy, I find expectancy. In intimacy, I witness the birth of a beautiful baby~ OBEDIENCE.

All of life's questions, simple and complex, are answered with INTIMACY.

And intimacy is the true reflection of one's heart toward the Father~ it reveals perhaps the greatest motive, "Am I seeking God's hand, His blessings or Divine Assistance, or am I simply, continually and relentlessly lavishing Him with my praise and adoration through a spirit of gratitude?"

The creation not wanting anything from the Creator except to be with Him and tell Him thank You, through words, listening and how one stewards what He has been given, for what He has done and will do . . . that is deep intimacy.

My heart overflows with gratitude not just for what You have done Lord, but for WHO YOU ARE. That's where the DEEPEST intimacy happens-- where deep calls out to deep-- when you worship the I Am for who HE IS not for his works!

That's why I worship and give You not only my praise, but my gifts, talents and LIFE! Your face surpasses endless blessing~ it's the GREATEST blessing of ALL! Seeking your face is rewarding and comes with GREAT RICHES: the fruit of the Spirit, wisdom, knowledge, all-consuming love to give, discernment and lasting joy and peace. The abundant LIFE John 10:10

My Ship Came In

Girl, you're not just out of my league~ you're out of the universe
You are my sweetest blessing after each and every curse

But each one brought me a step closer to a love I never dreamed
This reality is a fantasy, so much better than it seemed

I've been given a present~ a beautiful gift wrapped in Grace
And I open up the package~ each time I look at your face

Your eyes shine with joy and hope~ in your eyes I've found home
I had to come to the place I was no longer lonely; I was just alone

My glorious King filled my heart completely; overflowing the brim
He shined His radiant Light when my world used to be so grey and dim

I stood at the Harbor patiently waiting for my ship to come to shore
You are my Ephesians 3:20~ what I prayed for and so much more

God is teaching me daily what true love means and what it truly looks like
Learning it is more than exciting than when I first learned how to ride a bike

Each step of Earth's journey; I'll walk beside you through sun or storm
15 years later we are together~ 15 years after writing you from my dorm

Without Christ I'm just a boy, but with Him, I'll be your leader and your man
I promise to always pray for you, love you, be there for you and the kids as we follow God Almighty's plan.

I love you Sara and I am forever grateful for your love!

John Mark