GRAC3

SO undeserved yet nonetheless true
Mercy, grace, forgiveness~ that's You

I could use every breath to sing Your praises and it still wouldn't be long enough
You've never let me walk alone . . . on the prairie low or terrain that's rough

If I do not praise you Lord, the rocks and trees will surely cry out
Fill me up with Your Living Water then turn me into a spout

May the words of my mouth and Your love, through me, surely get them wet
May the overflow of my heart go toward the price I owe, my endless debt

Grace so unspeakably great, yet, about it, I can not keep my mouth shut
Love that pulls me out of the deepest abyss, yes, out of any rut

I've run from you, eaten the devil's candy, but I'd rather have your bread
I've been disobedient, walked my own way, now by Your hand I'd rather be led

You quiet my storms with a whisper that can only be heard by my Spirit
You give me courage to climb any moutain by telling me not to fear it

I humbly bow my head as I lay my crown at Your beautiful feet
For You my Savior died, so taht I would not feel Hell's unbearable heat

2000 years ago the cost of grace flowed down that piece of wood
Golgotha the place where our very worst changed into better than good

No fancy words just a sincere 'thank you' as tears roll down this sinner's face
No easy solution just a sacrificial, perfect love~ a love we call GRACE.

John Mark Brooks
June 27, 2012

The Verdict

'Judge, jury, ladies and gentleman, I would like to call your attention to the second piece of evidence
Exhibit B.'

Everyone looked at the table of evidence, except the Judge. He just smirked as to what was to come. Jing-a-ling . . . in one swift movement Jesus had jerked keys out of His pocket, but these weren't just any keys.

'Recognize these?,' Jesus said as He looked at the prosecutor.

'That look on your face was priceless when I rained on your victory parade and stopped the music to the greatest celebration hell will ever know. You thought I had died, but behold I Am alive! I snatched these right out of your gnarly claws (Rev. 1:18),' Jesus exclaimed!

'You were dead! I saw your lifeless, bloodied body hanging on the cross, saw them stick the spear into your side, place you in the tomb. I thought I had won that battle. I thought I had won the war. I didn't succeed in overtaking God, but I just knew I had killed His Son,' Satan hissed.

Jesus laughed.
'No need to cry over spilled milk."

'What I have here are the keys to Hades and to death. Like my dear friend Paul said, 'Death was swallowed up in VICTORY! Hades where is your sting? (1st Cor. 15:54-55) and I proved it that day!

The Messiah continued, 'Dad's plan worked!' he said as his voice raised with excitment. No surprise there . . . everything my Dad does is PERFECT!! But through my sacrifice on the cross, and resurrection, humans are able to be forgiven for their sins and have eternal life-- if they just believe, ask and do. Death is no more!'

With two pieces of evidence already presented, it was evident, judging from the jurors' reactions, this final witness was turning the tide.

Just days before a guilty verdict seemed like a mere formality, but now Jesus of Nazareth had laid the perfect foundation to prove His client was innocent. It was time for the third, and final, piece of evidence.

Exhibit C

Jesus took off his tie then unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. As he did this, there were murmurs throughout the courtroom. 'What on earth was He doing,' was what most people were thinking.

Like pulling something out of a stocking at Christmas, the Messiah had removed a necklace from underneath his shirt. But this wasn't just any necklace. Dangling from the cord was a bottle (Psalm 56:8).

Curiousity was at a fever-pitch as to what He was about to present. The anticipation was palpable-- like the kind those Wright brothers must've felt at Kitty Hawk in 1903 before 12 seconds that forever changed aviation and our world as we knew it.

'The contents of this bottle are from the day all of Heaven rejoiced. The day John Mark accepted me as His Savior, through his grandmother, when he was 5 years old in Elk Park, NC. These precious tears prove without any doubt my brother, my client and my friend is not guilty!'

Satan banged his fist on the table and hissed.

'But he's a fake! I've seen him over and over again do MY work and eat MY bread!! What he has proclaimed with his heart, and words, he has not practiced,' the prosecutor blurted out.

'There have been times my client has chosen this world, and his own desires, over me, but I rejoice over Phil. 1:6 . . . The work I have begun in his heart, WILL BE completed! You see that's what the blood, the nails and the cross were for-- the times my sons and daughters don't get it right,' Jesus said.

He continued, 'No, this grace, bought with a cost of my own life, should not be abused (Hebrews 10:26,27). It's as I have said, 'If you love Me, you will keep my commandments (John 14:15).' A simple truth, which requires great discipline and self-denial. I called out to him and he answered. I pursued him like a cheetah does a gazelle. I captured his heart, I inhabited his being and I speak and live through him.'

As Jesus stepped from the witness stand, something never seen before happened. Family members, friends and members of the public, who came out to watch the proceedings, all rose to their feet and applause detonated throughout the chamber.

'Worthy is the Lamb. Holy, holy, holy. We praise You, we worship You, we give You thanks! You alone are worthy,' they exclaimed.

The prosecutor knew he had lost after hearing Jesus defend his client. Furious, sad and without consolation from his legal team, he shouted.

'Make them shut up your honor! Order in the court! Make it stop!'

With great authority the Judge said.

'In my court, the praise NEVER stops! (Rev. 19:6,7)

The Verdict

Was I nervous? Sure, after all, it is my soul but the anxiety that once engulfed up my whole being had been replaced with peace and assurance (Col. 3:15).

'Has the jury reached a verdict?,' the Judge asked.

'We have your honor.'

'In the case of Satan vs. Brooks, the jury has found the defendant NOT-guilty. In addition, I sentence the prosecutor to eternal life in hell without the possiblity of parole,' the Judge said.

Every day we have the opportunity to strengthen the defense's case or the prosecutor's . . . whose will you choose?

What's the Verdict? Part 2

My ears perked up.

What could Jesus possibly say to defend me? I've been, at times, a wretch of a man . . . an undeniable sinner who denied Him time and time again. My self-destructive decisions made me not only relate, but fully understand what Paul spoke of when he said the good I want to do, I do not . . . but the very thing I HATE, I do. (Romans 7:15).

So what could Jesus, my Savior, the very Entity who walked earth with NO sin, who even though he was Deity did not rely on His supernatural strength to resist temptations while in his human form, say or present that would reverse the inevitable guilty verdict?

While I knew, in my mind, of my impending doom, I remained hopeful. Why? Because far TOO many times to count in my life has a situation looked so bleak, or appeared to so dim, and only to see Jesus swoop in to do exceedingly more than I could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I have learned with Him the impossible becomes possible . . . just through touching the hem of His garment (Luke 8:40-48).

Did He always answer every prayer I wanted with a yes? Nope, far from it . . . but I am SO glad He did not. After all, what trust and dependency would that require of me if he always gave me everything I want?

I held on to a glimmer of hope because the very Author of hope was on the stand. This was not my pastor, friends, parents or siblings (Obligated? Hmmm. . . no they are the only ones, before your death, required, by law, to say nice things about you, right?)

Exhibit A. Three nails and a piece of wood

When Jesus removed the lid and revealed to everyone in the court room the contents under it, great wonderment filled the place. Like removing a turkey from the oven, emotion permeated the court room . . the Christians were moved to tears, while non-believers were piqued with curiousity as to what these four things could possibly mean.

'Two thousand years ago,' Christ said.

'Dad felt the separation of his creation (humans). Felt is an understatement. He was overwhelmed with sadness, even flooding earth with his tears at one point (Genesis 6:13), and anger because of the way human beings had turned their back on Him beginning with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden."

'I had never seen Dad that way. He desperately longed for them to be close to Him like they were in the garden after He made Adam from dust. So one day I'm sitting beside Him and He says I have a job for you son. It won't be easy, I remember His thunderous voice cracking with emotion, but it all WILL be worth it,' Jesus said.

The Judge's eyes filled with tears as they rolled down his cheeks. While it was clear He was listening, He was vividly recalling that conversation with His Son. Sure the Judge could've chosen ANYTHING to serve as the necessary sacrifice to reconcile His beloveds to Him, but what better way to demonstrate agape than to sacrifice the most precious One to Him-- His only Son?

Yeshua continued, 'On the Mount of Olives, I tried my best to talk Dad out of His 'wonderful' plan (Luke 22:42), but it was no use. Once Dad has His mind made up, that's it. End of story. Plus, there is nothing that brings me more pleasure than pleasing my Father, so I agreed to it."

'I pulled out all the stops . . . I even sweat blood for crying outloud. But Dad wouldn't budge. The day after was beyond anything I could've conjured up. They punched me, kicked me, spat on me, whipped me and dug a crown of thorns into my head. With the meat being ripped off my bones, blood pouring out of me like a fountain, the beating continued. Who would've ever thought humans could have contained so much hatred?

Jesus stopped for a moment, cutting his eyes to the prosecutor.
'I know you were behind that. Any way, where was I.'

'While the pain was unimaginable, Dad sustained me. The whole time they were doing it, two things carried me through: Pops' words telling me it will all be worth it and my, well our (remember we are three in one) love for each one of you. Love isn't the word we use, we say agape, which basically means relentless, passionate, unconditional, all encompassing.'

Jesus described the sheer agony of the nails being hammered into His wrists and feet, the brokenheartedness of seeing his family, friends and disciples having to witness it all. The hurts on their faces and the helplessness they felt. Looking into His mother's eyes while gazing down from the cross, knowing He could have angels rescue Him or just call Dad and all the suffering would be over, but he resisted.

And let me just tell you, it sounds like Michael and Gabriel, among many of the other seraphims and cherubims wanted a piece of those humans and demons who were responsible for their King's pain and suffering.

The devil, and legions of demons, tempted Him each step of His journey to the Place of the Skull (Golgotha), but Jesus resisted. He thought and even said aloud, 'If this is what it takes, it's a small price to pay.

As Jesus gestured to Exhibit A . . . eyes widened at the sight of the the iridescent holes in each of His wrists. It was a strange and powerful moment to behold as I glanced behind me to see people fall on their knees, 'Forgive me Lord. I didn't think you were real. I thought you were like the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy. I thought you were fake or something somebody conjured up so they could have comfort and more of a purpose. I ask you into my heart to be my Savior,' a businessman, dressed to the nines, said as he raised his arms to Heaven before kneeling prostrate before His Lord.

Satan hissed.

'Your honor are you going to allow this," he said outraged of the sudden outbursts taking place on every aisle of the courtroom.

'There must be order!'

The judge glared at Satan, peering into his eyes before the father of lies cast them to the ground, cowered, and simply said, 'I Am.'

What's the Verdict? Part I

I can't breathe.

Sweat is on my brow, tears are in my eyes, the next two days will determine my fate.

I am praying for peace, but the evidence, not just circumstantial, is STACKED against me. This is not only my trial in the court case of Satan vs. Brooks, in the state of Salvation, this is my life.

What is the prosecutor after? My soul.

Day after day the Judge and jury have heard startling testimonies and admissions, eyewitness accounts and been bombarded with facts, opinions and first-hand accounts-- some bolstering the defense while the majority piled up to do nothing but strengthen an already strong case on the prosecutor's behalf.

'Your honor, it's clear the evidence points to the undeniable fact this man is a liar, a thief, a murderer, a fornicator, selfish, a HYPOCRITE (he hisses) and a FRAUD!!'

The Judge shakes His head as if to agree with the prosecutor's claims. He's been there and seen each incident, each indiscretion, that was brought to the attention of the court. Guilty will most assuredly be the verdict read just one day from now.

A smile spreads across Satan's face . . . one of arrogance, one of victory, one that is only brought about by the supreme confidence you are right.

'Objection!' My defense attorney is not going down without a fight.

'Your Honor, I would like to call to the stand a surprise witness, one final witness.

Surprise comes over the courtroom. You can hear a Q-tip hit the floor. Everyone is floored by what they just heard. Satan is shaken, but still is grinning. Until he hears this.

'I would like to call to the stand . . . the defense attorney pauses for effect. . . Jesus.'

As these words hit the air, a great gasp erupts in the courtroom.

The Judge bangs His gavel, 'Order in the court. Order in the court.'

Satan jumps up and down and slings his briefcase, notes and files off the table. This isn't fair he shouts. He is fuming.

'One more word out of you and I will hold you in contempt of court,' the Judge firmly declares.

Satan cowers. The feeling of inevitable victory now swept away.

As if things couldn't get any more bizarre, the defense attorney takes the oath, placing His right hand on the Bible and promising to tell the truth, nothing but the truth so help him God.

He takes the stand.

Satan is blown away by what he's seeing.

'You can't allow this Judge. This isn't permissible . . . this isn't allowed! The defense attorney can not also be a witness,' he shouts.

'It's my court room,' the judge calmly, but with great authority, declares.

Jesus starts, but instead of a self-examination it's more of a monologue or declaration.

'Nearly everything Satan says about my client is true. Mr. Brooks has been a liar, a thief, a murderer and a fornicator, but he is not a fraud or hypocrite. He is human, he is my brother and he is my son. Ladies and gentleman of the jury and Judge, I would like to present three pieces of evidence.'

What will He present?

All eyes are fixated on Jesus. Then with a swivel of His right hand, he points to the pieces of evidence~ A, B, C.

With my very soul hanging in the balance, what could He possibly say?

I am doomed yet NOT without HOPE!

What We REALLY Mean!

*What We Say vs. What We Really Mean*

God I want your will. Please have YOUR way . . What we really mean -----> As long as it won't upset my routine and is what I want! See that box over there God? I would really appreciate it if you go get in it and STAY in it. Other than that, I worship You, trust You, give you ALL the praise.

Haven't seen you in awhile. Where have you been!? . . What we really mean -----> I haven't seen you in church in several Sundays. You'll never become as HOLY as me if you don't come to church.

I put Jesus first in every single thing I do . . What we really mean -----> I try to put the Lord first, but sometimes MY desires overcome my desire to please Him. I'm also human. I sometimes lose focus and act wordly vs. what I know is in my heart. I act like anything but a believer.

We need to pray for ________ (you tell this to 20 people) . . What we really mean -----> I'm going to gossip about them, but disguise it as a 'prayer chain' and as genuine concern.

I don't really have enough money to tithe. If I give 10-15 %, I won't be able to pay my bills . . What we really mean -----> I have enough to get by, but I TRULY don't want to have to become totally dependent on this God I supposedly/allegedly TRUST so much!!

I am SELF-MADE . . What we really mean -----> I have become my own idoL. I have replaced God on the throne in my heart. I make my own provision . . . I don't need God. Why trust the Lord when I know if I trust ONLY myself; I don't have to worry about anyone failing to come through for me. What a FOOLISH man I am. The enemy (satan) has deceived me into believing I am responsible for my own success. I can't even control the origin (my body) as I don't get to decide when I die or if I even have my next heartbeat.

Everyone is welcome in my church . . What we really mean -----> As long as you are the same race as me (all races: black, white, Asian, Latina etc. are guilty of treating people of a different race differently) dress the way I do, have the same sexual orientation, don't have tattoos, piercings and are someone I'm comfortable being around. Oh, you can't be an ex-convict, divorced or have any addictions of any kind. You may make some of my holiness go away or cause my halo to rust.

Visitors are welcome. We are SO happy to have you . . What we really mean -----> No one is going to even speak to you much less make you feel welcomed. You will feel shunned, not accepted, and won't want to come back. You'll think, 'Now, I remember why I quit going to church to begin with!'


I trust you God . . What we really mean -----> I trust You when everything is hunky-dory . . when things are going my way and nothing bad is happening in my life. I trust You UNTIL tragedy strikes. I trust You until one little thing goes wrong. I trust You until You allow something to happen that I, and after all my opinion is the only one that matters, don't feel is necessary, don't appreciate and don't understand. I trust you until (fill in the blank).

I want to thank the man upstairs for waking me up . . wanna thank Him for another day! . . What we really mean -----> I refer to Him as the 'man' because I want to be able to wrap my puny brain around an Entity (God) who is infinitely bigger than anything I can even come up with. I want to put Him on my level. See, I want God to be BIG enough to handle my problems, rescue me when I need Him, but small enough where He doesn't intrude on what I want to do, how I act, the attitude I have and how I treat people. Or we say man upstairs, because rap music and even country has infiltrated our boundaries and robbed us of the reverence and fear we once had for an UNSURPASSABLE, BEAUTIFUL, AWESOME, ALL-POWERFUL, ALL-SUFFICIENT God!! That or maybe we just want to say the 'happening' thing. Well hate to break it to you, but there is nothing MORE exciting, REAL, relevant, cool, tight, dope or 'happening' than His name. Capitalize it (what if Jesus was having a LAZY day and didn't FEEL like dying on the cross for us?!? Revere it. . love it . . believe in it . HIS name is WAY past wonderfuL!

I tweet and post on Facebook all the things I'm doing and all of my success. I retweet all the great things people say about me and my success-- never mentioning Jesus, the Lord, God, how blessed I am etc. Never or rarely giving Him the glory, instead keeping it as my own. . . What we really mean -----> I am a FOOL. Sadly enough, I may call myself a Christian, and may truly love Christ, but the devil has me believing 'I' am responsible for my own success, that I earned it. I share Christian thoughts, Bible verses and pearls of wisdom God has given me, but I don't attribute any of them to Him. Unintentionally, or intentionally, when we don't credit the source . . . we are being DISOBEDIENT even if what we share is a result of being obedient and/or a talent He has given us. The same goes for doing good things for people . . when we take the credit for it or promote all the things we are doing for people, we are not doing them with the right motives, need to do a self-evaluation and let God check our hearts! For the Christians, who share what God is doing in your lives, that's wonderful. That is encouraged and what He wants us to do, but when we share with others our gifts/blessings ($$, events, family, career achievements) and don't give Him the glory we turn ourselves into idols . . our blessings into idols.

Let's say what we mean and mean what we say and let BOTH of them pleasing to our Lord God, Savior and King!

BE ENCOURAGED

First, let me say in NO way is this letter written in any sort of condemnatory way . . . in fact, it's ALL out of love with life, encouragement and TRUTH, coursing through every word!

Here is the context for what God has asked me to tell you~ the message He wants delivered. (John 11:33-44).

When Jesus called Lazarus out of the tomb, speaking his life back into him. I've felt how you feel before or at least similar! Like I said, more than once, I held the gun that would take my life as the devil sweetly and softly encouraged me to do it.

I thought of my family and friends and to be honest I thought of you. How could I witness to you the way I did about how great the Lord is and how He can change, radically transform, your life then snuff out the very life He gave me and make it look like everything I've ever shared with you was nothing more than a sham a big, fat lie!?

Satan is a LIAR!! God doesn't require us to do much, He does the heavy lifting, but I believe, and I say this with love and concern (love and concern shared by your family and friends), you HAVE to sit up!

See, He will do the rest. ALL He wants you to do is SIT UP!

I know what it feels like to know the devil is steadily shoveling dirt in on top of you and to hate it, but not enough to actually do something about it. And if you do hate it enough, not have the strength to do anything, in your own power, to change your situation. That's the GREAT news~ you don't have to do ANYTHING out of your own power.

I'm in no way, shape or form judging you for being upset, for being so discouraged and down. Life is hard sometimes. It sucks sometimes! Relationships end, people leave, jobs cease, friends die, we are let down by others and by ourselves and we're left picking up the pieces.

I can't imagine going through your current situation. But I promise you, if you just put one foot in front of the other and take ONE, that's ALL it will take is ONE, step . . . God will do what God does. (Eph. 3:20).

Even though this difficult place is on the opposite end of the spectrum as far as what you want, know God is using this for your good (Romans 8:28). He is sculpting a MASTERPIECE!! One that would make Michaelangelo blush a million times over!

You are a strong person with such a huge heart and you've overcome things before! You will do it again if you just press through until you reach the hem of Jesus' garment (Luke 8:40-48), letting NOTHING and NO ONE stand in your way, thus keeping you from the ONLY objective that MATTERS!

To be blunt with you, the devil has you right where he wants you-- down in the dumps, seeing everything as half empty instead of full and he has you tucked in what he believes will be your grave. It will NOT, in the mighty blood of Jesus/Yeshua (Hebrew), be your grave mighty child of God!

Instead, knowing 2nd Corinthians 12:9 is true and letting the Lord, even if you question and find yourself frustrated, mad and sad that He allowed this to happen, be YOUR strength! Matthew 11:30 is true, but we MUST give Him our burden in order for His yoke to be easy.

You are NOT alone~ PRAISE GOD!! You have many others who love you! Hang in there! I promise you, and I know from experience, if you praise Him in the storm, you will receive great favor and anointing, but even MORE importantly you will please Jesus (the King)! You trusting Him in the midst of the hardest/rockiest times in your life, utter chaos, will be a sweet aroma of praise to His nostrils and in doing so, you will deal a swift, violent, and INTENTIONAL kick right to the devil's face, confusing him and upsetting his plans!!

I believe in you . . . WE believe in YOU! We know you can turn this into another trophy in God's infinitely long and high trophy case. Remember that!? That's when the Lord took a HOPELESS situation, showed up, loved on me, reminded me who I am and not only took care of me, but reversed my situation, changed my attitude and like a new wineskin (Luke 5:36-39) FILLED me up with new hope, new LOVE and new BELIEF and knowledge that EVERYTHING is going to be OK!! (Jer. 29:11).

MIGHTY, AWESOME, FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made (Psalm 139:14) child of God, imago Dei (Image of God), allow His joy to be your strength!! (Nehemiah 8:10).

He WANTS to, desperately and with GREAT hope, belief in you and purpose, do the IMPOSSIBLE~ won't you let Him?

In the lion's teeth

The lion clutched his teeth around me.

I was paralyzed, hurt, dying and felt lower than low can feel.

What did I do to him? Why was he was so mad? His teeth threatened to turn me into his filet mignon. The worst part is I wanted them to.

The gun, a .38 special, sat on the bed as I was prepared to succumb to the devastation, heartbreak and pain this life can sometimes bring and that God mysteriously allows.

See, a marriage I never should've entered into (I wasn't ready & not in love~ no indictment of her), the death of my little sister, my Papaw, death of my little brother, loss of my job, loss of money, my own poor decisions . . . it all flooded my mind. All the loss had taken its toil on my life. It had snowballed and these final few moments would be an avalanche roaring down the mountain as I helplessly stood out in the open. It would kill me.

The only solution was to end it and the only prayer my life had left was the prayer the bullet would penetrate my brain, making this harsh life come to a shocking close. That and that God would comfort my family and friends, who would inevitably be crushed and ask the question, 'Why?'

There is always a WHY, but truthfully it can be as simple as believing the lion. Junior Seau, 43, was one of the best to ever put on a pair of cleats, was by all accounts a generous man of God, a philanthropist, was a multi-millionaire, had fame, respect, the deep love of his family and friends. He just sadly believed the lion. It doesn't mean he was/is WEAK, just means he made the wrong decision. Proof we must remain vigilent at ALL times. Believing the lion's lies can radically affect your life or sadly, tragicially end it!

Not the Lord, the Lion of Judah (Genesis 49:9, Hosea 5:14, Rev. 5:5 ), but satan, the roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1st Peter 5:8). That's whose jaws I found myself in.

I no longer had the strength to keep fighting. While suicide wasn't the best answer, it was the ONLY answer in my mind. The devil's soft whispers had lured me in. I listened long enough until those whispers turned into shouting. Did I literally hear voices? No, I didn't . . . although I do believe many, under demonic oppression/possession and bound up in the heavy chains of depression, do.

'Please Lord, forgive me. I tried to run the race. I tried to keep the faith. I tried to trust You. I tried to be the man you called me to be, but I have failed. Please let me still come into your Heavenly Kingdom. I don't have to have the nicest mansion . . . just let me be with you. Forgive your child for this heinous sin. Amen.'

In that moment, all the TRUTH, all the Scripture, all the worship services, all the sermons, all the pearls of wisdom had been swallowed up . . . they were less visible than snow in June. ANY glimmer of hope had been raped by doubt, any sign of life had been strangled and swallowed up by death.

I thought of ALL my family, my loved ones and I felt AWFUL for each one of them. I grieved for the grief that would smack them in the face when they heard the news as subtle as a sledgehammer serving as an alarm clock. I won't list everyone I thought of, but my Mom, Sister, Dad, Mamaw, Stepdad, niece (just had 1 at the time) and a select few friends entered my mind.

Damn, how do you explain to a gentle prayer warrior in her late-80s that her favorite grandson had killed himself or a 10-year-old niece her uncle is dead by his own hand? While my problems would be over, their's would just be beginning. Could I carry out the ultimate act of selfishness?

For the first time, I saw the first remnant of life. They LOVE me too much. God, the Author of life, had spoken life to me in my darkest moment. Just like my Dad shared with me about how his Dad would turn on the lights in the middle of the tunnel, because they were scared, so too had my Heavenly Father turned the high-beams on!

I not ONLY did not have to be scared anymore; I also could let the Light comfort and encourage me, seeing me through to the other side! The side where love and hope reside in the town of Future.

Then I thought of how much God loved me, thought of how this life was a personal gift from Him~ a present. That's why it's called that. I could not snuff out the second greatest gift He would ever give me (after salvation). At the moment, the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1) and my Savior cheered me in, speaking waves of encouragement to flood my being.

With my bed drenched in tears, tears on my hardwood floors, snot pouring out of my nose, sweat on my brow . . .

I put the gun down. Mufasa had pierced His teeth into Scar's jugular vein. The father of lies was defeated in a battle for my earthly life.

Mufasa still had work for young Simba to do. Work ONLY Simba could do. In the last 3 years, I have experienced many of the greatest moments of my life. The Lord has continued to mold and shape me, I have gotten to know Him better and He is using my gifts, talents and very life to bless Him, give Him the glory and to better the lives of others through sharing His love.

I would have missed out on not just saying I TRUST the Lord, but truly doing it. I would have missed out on the sun shining brighter, my smile being bigger, the colors and hues of my world being sharper, reflecting the magnificence of God's faithfulness and love.

Now, I STILL have an amazing family, a woman I love, adore and will grow old with, beautiful children/nieces I adore/cherish. Life couldn't be ANY sweeter~ I would've missed out on ALL of it. All the smiles He used me to put on faces of others, all the unforgettable moments, all the hugs, the kisses, all the strangers' meals I've paid for as a small example of how God loves them, the times where I know my gifts and talents are being used for the ONLY thing they were ever intended to do-- glorify the King of Kings and Lord of Lords!

All of these words wouldn't have been written, the strokes of the pen never would've touched the paper, these fingers would've been six feet deep in a box underneath the dirt.

Yes, the gun was loaded. The lion roared . . . our Lion, the Lion of Judah, roared LOUDER!

** If you are thinking suicide is the answer, please contact me @JMBrooks17 on Twitter. If you don't, that's fine . . . just know God is using ALL things for YOUR good~ Romans 8:28. Even if it doesn't seem like it! There is NOTHING too broken that He can't and won't fix! That He will RESTORE your life if you let Him. If you think He is responsible for all the pain, know He does allow terrible things to happen, but it doesn't mean He loves you any less. He is MADLY in love with you. If you are considering suicide, I want to tell you this. Jesus loves you . . there are people in your life who love you (and would be crushed if you make this decision) and I encourage you to find your purpose in life. Life can and will overwhelm us at times, but remember Hebrews 13:5, 'I (God) will never leave you for forsake you.'

Also, please I urge you quit saying 'Kill yourself or kill yoself~ I know you don't literally mean it, and it's meant to be funny . . . but what if by you saying that, the person actually did the shi*. How bad would you feel? How about we change that to 'Smack yourself.. smack yoself silly etc.' haha

I do not discount the pain you are feeling . . . I know it feels like you are drowning *you probably even have tears flowing down your cheeks right now* I have been there~ But I encourage you to take just 1 (ONE) step and God will take 99 to meet you. You can not control what happens in life, but you can ALWAYS control your reaction to anything that happens. Try not to be that ship so easily tosse about by the waves. (Eph. 4:14). Life is worth living~ it WILL get better! Hang in there and keep your head up!!